My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

GH31 where are you? Need some guidance. My W and I just kind of had a R talk but not in the sense that I am confronting or pursuing her. She wants to trade her car in for one that is more fuel efficient because now it seems the OM will not be moving to our town any time soon (no shock there! I told her it was BS when she first mentioned that). So when I told her I would help her with finding a car, but that I thought it should be OM now that she is his woman. Then I'm not sure why, but I said to her that make sure you and OM and your best friend (who happens to be OM's sister in law) are not talking s%i$ about me when you guys are together. I said I hope you would not allow those people to talk negatievly about me. Anyway, she says no, on the contrary. She claims her friend has messaged her to say that she feels sorry for me having to take care of our baby while W is staying the night with OM. Now what is strange was that when I went through her messages on her phone, I thought the W had said that, and her friend replied that your husband wouldnt need to do that if he had taken care of his marriage when he had the chance! Now, I am confused and wondering if I was reading it wrong and it was the other person saying it. So now I'm not sure who said they feel bad for me, and who thought I deserved it (between my W and I). Maybe my wife is leing.

Anyway, because I know that her best friend didn't counsel my W in the correct manner the very first day when my W was on the fence about OM and had not initiated a PA yet, I told her I thought it was ridiculous that her friend just validated her feelings that day instead of recommending counseling. i told her things may have been different because since then, I have learned a lot about myself and why I did not catch on to your issues with our R. i told her MIL is right when she tells you that you should have listened to the people who know about long term R like ours, and not your friends who are single or married just 4 years. The W seemed to be contemplating to herself how that might be true and then started tearing up a little.

So not sure if that means anything. I know not to look for signs so early because she really is still hurting from our R and not seeing any positives. She also accused me of not fighting for her when she told me about OM!! I told her calmly that that was insulting because I told you I was willing to go to counseling or do whatever I needed to do to save our marriage, but you were the one who didn't want that. Then she said but since then, I don't feel like this bothers you that much. I feel like that validates my feeling that we are just good friends but not lovers. I told her I needed to separate myself a little bit from what she is doing with OM in order to be able to live with W and D in the same house. I had not choice but to live with your decision. I also told her that she has made her decision and that I support her, and I am glad she is happy now. But also that she should know how I really feel from the state I was in the day of the bomb (to kind of leave the door cracked a little).

Any thoughts on this situation? Did I handle it well? What should I have done differently?