So Christmas at my family's was better than expected. I say that simply because my dad and W eventually talked. At Thanksgiving, there was no talk between them. So that was definitely an upside. Also, one moment, all the adults were in one room. W was sitting on a couch by herself, I was standing. Whether it was my own projections or not, I think everyone noticed / felt that awkwardness. Finally I went and sat next to her. Yesterday was okay, we were all home lounging and cleaning (putting Christmas stuff away and preparing for SIL and nephew to come in to town- today). In the morning, I found a Wii U in stock at a nearby store, so I opted to go get it (I bought one for the kids for Christmas but for some reason it didn't work right). Right before I left, W made the comment, "How come you always have to go do something?" On my venture I thought about that. When I returned, I told her. Seeing the games and the broken Wii U console, made me feel like a failure, disappointed, so I wanted to remedy it for the kids / myself. 8) Later on in the evening, W was self proclaimed "irritable." No clue how come, if I was to step into the dangerous side of life, I'd mindread and guess it had something to do with OM via text. But who knows. I did at one point, make a playful statement (mistake), of "who are you texting so much?" She responded to her in town SIL, who ironically arrived at our house like 2 minutes later. The past two nights, we did not go to bed / sleep in a cuddling position. I kept my distance. Each night, at some point she initiated it.
I have to say it's been tough not being around her and not being able to simply hug / hold / kiss her. We've been nice and friendly. She continues to "cycle" with how she interacts with me. Fortunately nothing mean or evil. 8) Last night though, I had some sleep problems. Intrusive thoughts about her, OM, the situation. Wanting to cash it all in. Buy a for sale sign for the house. Go get D papers. I'm posting that here, as to release some of my frustrations / thoughts / etc.
So here's where I need guidance or something. SIL from out of town will be back at the house with W and my in town SIL. They'll each be spending A LOT of time here, and there'll be a fair share of alcohol consumption. I know I need to be extra careful pre alcohol and the times when we do drink. So the best way to deal with whatever? Bright side of things, SIL generally brings W back to life out of depression, etc. SILs each like me, if not love me. They want us to be able to work things out, with emphasis on W being happy regardless of us. I ultimately do support that too. I ultimately want to make myself happy.
Anyways, those are my ramblings for now. Please share advice / tips / thoughts (whatever 8) ), on ways to be for the next week or two. 8)
Thanks all... I 'll check back later on and probably be posting details / thoughts so as to release them here in a safe place.
Andrew, I've been so wrapped up in my own sitch today that I hadn't had a chance to check on you.
Why don't you feel you can hug/kiss her? Does she reject you when you do this?
Intrusive thoughts--completely understandable. Come here to the board and vent.
If you feel alcohol might make you behave in anti-DB ways, don't drink! I haven't had a drink in 14 years (my H has never tasted alcohol) and I tell you it's a lot better. You can save the calories and have a bowl of ice cream instead :-)
I would just be cool and fun around the SIL's. Give them space when they want to be on their own. Don't bring up the M problems if possible. Whatever you say to them, you should assume will be said to your W.
I hope I helped a little. Thank you SO MUCH for being there for me today when I needed it the most.
Tori, I know the kind of day you've been having so no worries. Thank you though for coming over to mine. I'm confused. At times she is distant and then other times close, close enough to kiss. So maybe I should try and see what happens. As MWD would say, experiment to see what works. Lol. If I get daring enough I'll report back.
Fortunately its easy to be cool around the SILs. And yes I'm aware that most will get back to W. So I'm treading very lightly. SIL1 (out of towner) has already asked how I'm doing. I said fair to good with a hint of confusion. She thinks W is distorted with her POV and that she's only getting half truths from her.
As far as drinking, I'm pacing myself and making weak drinks. I don't mind the calories. I'm trying to gain weight. Side note, I am at an all time high. .
RT, So nice to have you stop by. I've been reading your thread and posts. You're a great source of help. I went on a food and booze run earlier and decided that I was going to work out before hanging out with everyone. It has helped. I guess you've noticed I clean to destress too. How far away are ya? Lol.
last post cut short b/c W sat downside me. The night went well. Only minor incident is that W posted a pic / FB update, tagging all of us here, including her BFF who is friends with OM on FB. Evidently he's upset or something b/c W were whispering when I was out of the room something about that post. So I have fought of the temptation to ask directly. I did nonchalantly ask, "everything ok?". Oh well, it is whatever is. I'm going to bed in a fee. Survived the first night. Oh and BFF is standing right beside me as I type this. Lol. I'll see you all in the morning.
Ok...so I woke up middle of the night. All the girls were watching tv laughing loudly. I went to get a glass of water and see what was up. W and her Damn phone plus my insecurity. They were watching tv and she immediately put her phone away. SIL1 gave me an uh oh look. So I asked w to come talk real quick. I asked if she had been texting OM. She said no. She's "done with that". And then she doesn't want to be interrogated, etc. I was calm and non aggressive. I told her I was having an insecure moment. She said shed liked that we were getting along, that her being in the bed with me was a big deal. I told her I liked it too, that I want her, but that I don't want to wait forever. A brief talk. Nonthreatening. Not sure if I believe her it not. ???
Wendy, Thanks for coming by, you and I were posting at the same time. Depending on how things go, I may have to try what ya said, provided I didn't undo too much progress.
