Thank you, WHG for the post--your first on my thread!...I appreciate it.

My H texted me today to ask about a movie I told him I would see (to see if I had liked it) and called while I was at work but didn't leave a message. I texted him back but won't call. He's definitely thinking about me more--or at least showing it more.

I thought about this some more, and this is what I've come up with (so far.)

1. If the L office hadn't emailed me, today would've been just a normal day. It was the awareness of my reality that made me freak out.
2. I'm not comfortable with the proximity of the date (I want to have more time to continue my positive interactions with my H and to visit his family--which is a key factor in the equation based on our previous issues.) So I will meet with the L next week (he's out this week bc his mom passed away) and will ask him to delay the final date as much as possible. Maybe I can get an extra month, which is better than nothing.
3. I'm not comfortable going to the court--I actually DREAD it. So I will ask the L if I can avoid the 1/22 case mgmt. date and see if there is a way I can sign some form of release so he can take my place during the final sign off or if I can go to the court on my own on a separate day. I know the final result is the same, but I would feel better anyway.
4. Don't want to stop DBing/ruin the whole friendship thing, so I will not give the letter to my H. He will see this letter as another attempt to "Change his mind." I remember Jody's words about a 5 year old who refuses to eat peas, and when we turn around, he tries a pea. We say, "Wow! You're eating your peas!" What does the kid do? Spit it out.
5. That said, I do want to explore the "being confused" statement, so this weekend, when I see him, I hope he says it again, and I will ask casually what he means by it. Depending on his reaction, I will ask more. And if things seem right, I will ask if he's having second thoughts about the divorce. If he says yes, that would be awesome (will try to talk about it more.) If he says no, then I'll drop the subject entirely.
6. My H and I need a lot of time to get that closeness/trust back, and the D might have to happen before we are there. If my H hadn't filed, things would be a lot different, but he filed. So DBing might have to continue after D--even though I think the chances of turning things around considerably drop.

How does this sound? I still have one more day to think about this.

What WHG said is true. If there was an automatic D button that I pressed right now, not much would change except for my official marital status.