TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

I know it's hard UF... but you've only been at this for a few months...

Yes it hasn't been long at all, and maybe it is my impatience affecting me. Lets trade "maybe" with "probably". But...

You are really doing the work on yourself that is needed to become a man only a fool would leave - becareful about giving up so early because YOU feel you deserve something...

...I'm not giving up. My plan for changes hasn't changed.
I do feel like I'm done, but its more of a "I'm done hoping, watching, gauging etc"
I feel I really need to step back and see were life leads me.
Really let go of her.

You got a gift/and a thank you from her - be grateful for that. There are some here - who didn't.

Yes I am grateful for that. It brought a smile to my face and I thanked her back. She is the mother of my child, and I hope we, at a minimum, can be civil.

If you are truly done and want to move on... then by all means do it.

It's hard to put into words.
I'm not anxious to move on. I'm not looking for a new partner.

I'm using this time to work on me. To find out what I want in life, and what I can do to make me a better me.

I'm not sure if it would be wise to reconciliate if that was an option at some point, but for now I'm accepting that right NOW, it's not even an option. I've been thinking lately about "would I want to R if possible?" "would I take her back if she wanted to R?" And I need to stop that, b/c there is no way I can know that NOW. My reality now is that she is gone, and she is not looking to R.

But it sounds like you are more frustrated than anything.. which is coming out in the form of sounding a little self-righteous. (ie: I deserve better because I AM BETTER)

My frustration is not the driving point here.
However, yes, it was a self-righteous comment of me.
I'm here for a reason, I'm part of that reason. I did deserve this.
On the other hand, I'm also lucky. It opened my eyes and gave me a chance to really work on me.
If we put aside what I deserve, I think what lies beneath is what I can take. I'm handling this quite ok mentally, but it still hurts to be treated this way. That hurt/disappointment makes it hard to see the spouse in a loving way.

Your actions toward her are not dictated by her actions.
You don't love her expecting her to reciprocate... or even appreciate it.

Drop the expectations... they only hurt you at this stage of the game.

It's a tough game, and a rollercoaster. It's hard to know how you will feel tomorrow or a week/month from now.
I'm hoping to change my life for the better, and like I said I really want to become a better man.
But trying to hold on to something that is lost is hard.
The only thing that makes sense right now is to work more on letting her go and focus on me. I don't see it as a definite decision to drop the rope, but more of a path ahead.

Makes sense? Probably not, feels like a lot of rambling