So Christmas at my family's was better than expected. I say that simply because my dad and W eventually talked. At Thanksgiving, there was no talk between them. So that was definitely an upside. Also, one moment, all the adults were in one room. W was sitting on a couch by herself, I was standing. Whether it was my own projections or not, I think everyone noticed / felt that awkwardness. Finally I went and sat next to her. Yesterday was okay, we were all home lounging and cleaning (putting Christmas stuff away and preparing for SIL and nephew to come in to town- today). In the morning, I found a Wii U in stock at a nearby store, so I opted to go get it (I bought one for the kids for Christmas but for some reason it didn't work right). Right before I left, W made the comment, "How come you always have to go do something?" On my venture I thought about that. When I returned, I told her. Seeing the games and the broken Wii U console, made me feel like a failure, disappointed, so I wanted to remedy it for the kids / myself. 8) Later on in the evening, W was self proclaimed "irritable." No clue how come, if I was to step into the dangerous side of life, I'd mindread and guess it had something to do with OM via text. But who knows. I did at one point, make a playful statement (mistake), of "who are you texting so much?" She responded to her in town SIL, who ironically arrived at our house like 2 minutes later. The past two nights, we did not go to bed / sleep in a cuddling position. I kept my distance. Each night, at some point she initiated it.
I have to say it's been tough not being around her and not being able to simply hug / hold / kiss her. We've been nice and friendly. She continues to "cycle" with how she interacts with me. Fortunately nothing mean or evil. 8) Last night though, I had some sleep problems. Intrusive thoughts about her, OM, the situation. Wanting to cash it all in. Buy a for sale sign for the house. Go get D papers. I'm posting that here, as to release some of my frustrations / thoughts / etc.
So here's where I need guidance or something. SIL from out of town will be back at the house with W and my in town SIL. They'll each be spending A LOT of time here, and there'll be a fair share of alcohol consumption. I know I need to be extra careful pre alcohol and the times when we do drink. So the best way to deal with whatever? Bright side of things, SIL generally brings W back to life out of depression, etc. SILs each like me, if not love me. They want us to be able to work things out, with emphasis on W being happy regardless of us. I ultimately do support that too. I ultimately want to make myself happy.
Anyways, those are my ramblings for now. Please share advice / tips / thoughts (whatever 8) ), on ways to be for the next week or two. 8)
Thanks all... I 'll check back later on and probably be posting details / thoughts so as to release them here in a safe place.
