I now consider us separated and the kids agree. They said over and over I am not a fault, they do not blame me one bit. They are angry and hurt, 1st Christmas without dad. But strangely, Although I hurt like hell inside , I am at peace. Know it is a long road ahead, and feel we can survive, I am stronger and I have my kids around me supporting my decision. I was so concerned out destroying our family, I forgot or didn't realize they are stronger then I thought.
Carole, I am so sorry that he behaved so poorly last evening. However, I truly believe you did the right thing. You can't wait around for someone who is in mlc and who is behaving poorly.
Your children are not only stronger than you think, but are very smart as well. They connected the dots a while back and now they will be there to support you, just as you will be there for them.
You are at peace because you've put him on notice and now the real work will begin after the holidays. Be sure you have taken care of getting your name off of anything that is joint. Set up your own accounts, if you haven't already done so, the same will apply to credit cards, set up an appointmen w/a lawyer to find out what your right are and go from there. You will need to put some boundaries in place and stick to them. Whatever yo do, do not waiver.
I hope that you and your family can enjoy the holiday despite what he's done. Wrap yourself in the warmth and support of family.
Merry Christmas.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He showed up here at his parents last night. Things are tense so not sure what is going to happen. Keep getting little digs, shots about things. Doesn't get how it makes me feel. Like it is my fault and still get punished..hopefully things get better. Think he is pissed that everyone is disappointed and angry and it is my fault. Makes my head hurt.
Don't drink the kool aid he is serving up. He's baiting you so that you'll argue w/him. He's not happy about himself and the situation, so what better way than to make himself feel better? To send mean darts at you. Don't take his bait. He's trying to justify why he feels the way he does.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
im in same place..my H left OW but still talks to her. i contacted her to see if they still together a few weeks ago n she s said yes. He said she lying. I have no clue who lying but I hate feeling like a cancellation prize.
me-42 H-41 S-12 S-8 M-15 yr f/o bout OW- 11-29-12 H moved out 10-31-13 Filed for divorce 12-27-13 D- 10-21-14
Made it through the holidays. Can't say it was the best we ever had. His parents are very disappointed in him, as are our kids. We got into A huge argument while there with some of the digs and shots. He did tell me that he wrote her a farewell letter and will have no contact with her. The day he did, managed to have a reasonable day and he acted as he did before all of this happened.oving, joking, etc.. The next day, sullen, bummed. I know the feelings he is having, but he doesn't think i do. He did tell me she tried to contact him and as far as I am aware he never contacted her back. I am not sure what to do.. Am on eggshells right now. I know in order for us to get past this we need to talk. But he is even less talkative then before. I hate not knowing what to think or believe. I wish he had told me some of what he has before Christmas, maybe things would be way different now. Suggestions ?
Well, this morning while at his hotel, ( he stays in a hotel for work), she called his room. Set the tone for the rest of the day for me. He thinks they can remain friends, I told him not possible knowing how it makes me feel. That I can not heal or move forward knowing she contacts him. Asked him what I am supposed to think when he told me he wrote a farewell letter, said goodbye and no contact ...now knowing that she contacts him. Not sure anymore, he said he is never leaving me and that she knows that, but he figures they can be friends. He can be friends with his exes...maybe, but that was before this affair, and before we met and married, had a family, etc. Tried going dark...think now it is time to go big time dark. I love this man to death..but I can't do this. His words: " I don't understand how she can be a threat to you when she knows I am not leaving you ever.That I love you and will always love you." I told him how can I be good with them being friends, knowing what she wants still, that her feelings will never change...what she tried to do and I feel is still trying to do. And that with him being friends only succeeds in pushing me away..and that I feel like giving up.Are men really that freaking dumb?
I have a couple questions for the room... 1. When a woman falls in love with a man...do those feelings ever go away? Will they ever go away even if they remain friends? She wanted him to leave me and our family so she could be with him as his wife? Will she ever stop pursuing him,knowing how she feels. ( she said he is the love of her life)
2. How can a relationship move forward after an affair, if they are in contact...whether by relationship or friendship?
3. Will he ever be able to let go of her whether as a g/f or a friend? He says he loves her as well as me.
4. Why doesn't he understand why or how I feel. He said I should not be threatened by her because he has always told her and me he is never leaving me and that he has always been upfront with that fact.
5.Why doesn't he understand that I will always be threatened by her knowing what she wants, what she tried and is trying to do? I said to him, that it will never stop as long as they are in contact...breaking up, back in contact back together and over and over.
1. When a woman falls in love with a man...do those feelings ever go away?
Absolutely, these forums are filled with such stories. But they may not even be there, they may still be in the "puppy love" stage. How long have they been involved? The "puppy love" feelings come from a dopamine release and those feelings can continue for anywhere from a month to about 6 months.
Quote:
2. How can a relationship move forward after an affair, if they are in contact...whether by relationship or friendship?
Realistically it can't. The contact needs to end. This isn't really a negotiable point, it must end. Then he'll have to go through the grieving process, then the rebuilding can proceed.
Quote:
3. Will he ever be able to let go of her whether as a g/f or a friend?
Of course he can, and he must.
Quote:
4. Why doesn't he understand why or how I feel.
Because right now it's all about him!
Quote:
5.Why doesn't he understand that I will always be threatened by her knowing what she wants, what she tried and is trying to do?
This is where a good MC can really help. This is an important issue that needs to be resolved, but you're going to need quality help to work through it.
