Hello all.... no baby yet! LOL We are actually getting a bunch of snow right now, I texted my friend and told her she can't have the baby right now, I don't want to drive in the snow!! She's still feeling the same as a few days ago, so who knows when her daughter will make her grand entrance. lol
As for here, I made myself a wonderful dinner, which I ate alone, I'm not sure why I bought such a big ham, but I figure I can make ham, green bean, and potato soup with it. H was at him mom's all day. When he did get home in the early evening my mom and her H were still here. They said hello and Merry Christmas to H, and he actually responded, he hasn't talked to either of them since before BD, so that's good I guess.
When he walked back through the room I let him know I had made a happy birthday Jesus cake if he wanted any he could help himself (which he actually did about an hour later). When my mom and her H were leaving they yelled goodbye to H back the hall, he again surprised me by responding and wishing them a merry Christmas again.
H showed me a couple of things his family got him for Christmas. I asked if they liked what I had sent for them. He said yeah they all did. I said you aren't just saying that? He got a little annoyed and said why would I lie to you about that, I have no reason to lie to you? I said good point, I just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to spare my feelings or anything. He seemed ok after that.... When I had asked if he had a good time he made some comment about his mom being psycho as usual.... I just said some things never change.
I ended up watching some of the first season of 2 broke girls, H kept bringing the stuff he was doing out to the living room (gun stuff), and actually got caught up in watching the show. He eventually joined me on the couch and watched a few more episodes before going to bed.
I saw him this morning because the gym didn't re-open until after he would have normally been there. He asked me a couple of times if I had anything planned today since I am off. I told him not really, just relaxing, and maybe take the recycling in (which I tried to do and much to my dismay found out they STOPPED the recycling program!!!).
Oh and I may have used my powers of seduction this morning.... lol.... didn't take much.... Actually it just worked out that way, I really wasn't trying, I was trying to be good really... oh and that sex ban had only lasted till Sunday anyway.... so I was right, about a week.... but that was HIS doing, not mine, I swear.
hrm, You sound better today. That little baby will come she's good and ready and it just might be in the middle of a snow storm. Babies come into the world at the craziest times, i.e., when storms are brewing. I hope and pray she will arrive when the weather is better for driving conditions.
I'm sorry your h opted to go to mommy's for Christmas and you were left home alone. Well, he is very much aware that she's a psycho...wonder what he thinks of himself these days.
I'm glad your mother and her husband came by for a bit and your h is growing up just a bit if he spoke to them. LOL! No wonder you are getting snow!
At least today you are getting some rest and can enjoy your day at home. I hope the rest of the week will be a quiet one for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi guys, I really need some input. I'm not sure what I should do. I asked H about New Year's Eve and he said his brothers were talking about doing something, and said I could come too. I mentioned they could come here. He said he would keep me posted.
So fast forward to tonight, and he said they were thinking of doing something down that way because of his sister and the baby. I said oh I wasn't even thinking of her, I assumed she would be staying at home since she has a newborn. I am apparently invited to whatever they plan. Which could be at his one brother's apartment, or surprise, surprise his mother's house... he also made the point of saying he didn't know what his mother's plans were, they could be going out...
I told him I would think about it, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that idea(I was trying to be honest, I think he was a little offended), since we are supposed to be "taking it slow" in his words. He said well they all said I'm still one of the family.... WTH?! He said his mother said that.... right.... and he said she often thought of calling me and didn't know what to say.... I don't know about that...the one who never called me back over a YEAR ago when I called her 2 weeks after BD ( I told him that surprised me since she never called me back then, H said he didn't know what I was talking about, gee there's that spotty MLC memory again, because I did tell him). I told him I would like to apologize to his brother, as that is the only relationship I have ruined (see very DB of me, taking responsibility for MY part in any downfall). He said a couple of times no drama. I started to get annoyed, I said I am one of the least dramatic people, I'm not being dramatic, I may be silly, a little crazy, and fun, but not dramatic. I didn't say this, but I was thinking, his family is the poster family FOR DRAMA!!!! gee, projection much.... Near the end of that conversation he said in an agitated tone, "we have a lot to talk about." And looked at me with a look that said I'm annoyed with you, or you're in trouble. (Well it USED to mean that anyway, so IDK what exactly he thinks he has to be upset with me about).
He also said his brother said we should go to dinner the 4 of us sometime (I guess soon, IDK). He was kind of a fountain of information, it was strange.... like the old H..... This past week he's been sharing a lot about things he's done (shooting wise) this past year. He even came in a bit ago to show me "something cool."
I feel like I'm being set up for failure... what do I even say to his family..... how do I tell him, yes I want us to work but you need to finish working on you???? I'm trying to remain positive, but to be honest I'm scared too....
and he said she often thought of calling me and didn't know what to say.... I don't know about that...the one who never called me back over a YEAR ago when I called her 2 weeks after BD
idk, this may be true. My MIL hasn't called, and for that reason, and she is the biggest sweetheart...so idk...
As far as NYE, maybe drive separately just in case??
I will think more on this, hafta run...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
hrm, I think T gave you a good idea...drive separately in case things don't work out and you can get away when you are ready to go. Me, personally, I wouldn't go because I would feel like something was going on because they've not reached out to you in such a long time. I would be wondering why someone in the family hasn't contacted you and asked you to come over for the celebration...I don't know...I could be wrong, but I just don't think something is right w/this invitation. Again, I could be very wrong.
I would continue to think about the invitation for a bit, after all, you have several days in which something could occur, such as the new baby girl deciding it's time to come into the world and then you be w/your friend's children.
Yeah, he does have a lot to talk about, doesn't he? He's been very forthcoming about his family in the last few days. I have to wonder if he's making a lot of this up or if there have been discussions about you and your situation.
I can understand you being scared...the constant comments about talking and you don't know what he wants to talk about, etc. If he does finally sit down and have this "talk" w/you, listen, validate and remain positive, but he's got a lot of work to do in order to come back to you a healed and mature man. Hrm, pray on this matter. God will provide you w/the answers. I'm praying that the little one will come this Sunday/Monday so you will not have to make a decision about the "family" gala.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly and T thanks so much for taking time to post! I am leaning toward not going.... that's how I am feeling in this moment anyway, if that means I'm here alone, then so be it. I have been praying my butt off about this, trust me, I feel like no definite answer yet, but I'm sure God will reveal to me what I should do. It just feels strange to me too, no one from his family has tried to talk to me in almost a year and a half and now I'm back to "being one of the family", let's not forget back when H told family about us trying to "work things out" he told me his family was "concerned". Wow, I would love, love, love to know the actual truth in any of this....
I never know what to believe from him.... I mostly think he's lying a lot of the time,and now he's told so many lies he's probably having a hard time 1. keeping them straight and 2. digging out of them... and the truth shall set you free. lol I wonder if he is even capable of telling the truth anymore....hmm.... well, I think the real him does seep out sometimes, like that day after he yelled at me about my dear friend.... I think the real him realizes he's screwing up a good thing, but monster won't let real him back in control.... man this all just sounds like the plot of a really bad scifi movie!
Anyway,I honestly would be waaaaay more comfortable if they came here, that would be the best option, but I don't know if he's even going to present them with that option, he may tell me he has but if he actually does is a different story. I would even be ok with the having lunch or dinner with his brother and his gf, at least I would be able to apologize....
My other thought is he's got to have it in the back of his mind when/if his family and I see each other again there will be talk, and it probably won't add up. IDK, not really my problem to worry about since I haven't done anything wrong. Remember he's the one who's been talking about other women to them, etc. So there's a whole lot of crazy lies and messed up MLC stuff that's happened.
As for the baby, my friend is scheduled to be induced tomorrow evening at 7, unless the baby comes before.... I will be staying with her kids until Monday around 4ish when her sister in law will be picking them up....
Yeah, the talks IDK, that was pretty much my plan, try and remain calm, don't take anything personality, rainbows and sunshine, and validation! LOL I'm going to do my best to do all of that and not point out he needs to continue his journey that I'm not on with him... or at the least if I can't keep my mouth shut do it politely as possible.
Any other thoughts are always welcome, thank you all.
It all seems like a lot of potential drama/and stress on you, when things are so early and uncertain between you and H. Just my two cents.
Personally, I would wait until he proves himself a little more before inviting the fam back into the relationship.
I can relate. My inlaws are wackadoo. They invited the OW for Christmas dinner and we aren't anywhere near divorce proceedings. My D18 took the brunt of it and demanded OW be uninvited (H lied and said I wouldn't allow the girls to attend if OW was there--I, however, had no idea OW had been invited). Has the markings of my MIL and H all over it.
When D18 called the OW a slut yesterday at another family event (without the OW), my MIL defended the OW and said it wasn't her fault and, then, spent the next three hours putting me down and blaming me for H's inability to finish college.
Controlling mothers in the MLC-ers life seem to be a common thread. Anyway, I'm TRYING to let it roll off. I spent a lot of time picking some nice Christmas gifts for them, only to have them invite OW (and my kids) to spend a family Christmas and their house and, then, send me a mediocre candle for a gift.
As far as I know, OW didn't go to the dinner. H called it off at the last minute and felt rotten afterwards when he saw the pain he caused. Of course, the rotten passed and the two happy clams are prob back to smoking grass and drinking together.
Anyway, my point---and I do have one... You have had a time away from them in your life, at least full blown. Maybe, don't give that up just yet. Truthfully, having my inlaws OUT of my life has been on the pro list when I think of splitting from H for good. I enjoy my life much more without them in it. Still, the kids will have to fend for themselves so.....? who knows.
When I imagine the holiday without my in-laws and H's drama, the holiday would've been painful without H----but we would have lacked so much of the crazy drama. Looking back over the years, they have contributed so much to our stress, chaos and unhappiness because of their unhappiness and immaturity. It's really sad.
My girls came home from a Christmas dinner at their home last night...depeleted, hurt, exhausted and diminished. They spent a good three hours putting me and my oldest daughter down. All this in front of D10 who was wise enough to see that they were being "mean." And, strangely, suddenly, supporting the OW in front of the kids. So weird. My FIL is a former judge and local big sh!t, but they are now defending this very drug-addicted, unstable woman who has caused their grandchildren countless hurts. It's so hard to get.
I guess the crazy fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. My good friend listened to the latest drama yesterday and remarked, "Wow, no one in that family really understands loyalty or unconditional love." How true and how sad.
Hang in, sounds like you are doing awesome.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I have to say, that is a bit odd. But honestly, I agree with T and snodderly - go with your gut. Pray about it.
The thing that stands out the most to me is: 1) he says his mother wants you to be part of the family 2) she didn't call because she didn't know what to say (likely true BTW) and 3) you don't trust him.
It's that last one that stands out the most to me. I don't really care about his mother to be honest. She's a symptom of the issue even if a strong contributor. Your H is the issue. Your lack of trust is the issue.
Leaving the door open is different than running through it headlong. The question is which opportunity is this one?
I'm more in the camp that he should earn your trust first. Although it sounds like he's saying "different" things now about you to his family, is it enough to have a healthy relationship? Or is more needed.
Pray about it. The answers and the questions will come. But don't doubt yourself and don't lose sight of the real issues by being distracted by his family issues. They are not the problem to solve. H and your R is.
Is he ready? Is he even planning to talk about the R? What about you? You are very important in this as well.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hi strangers! Haven't posted in awhile, been busy.... and a lot has happened with H, it seems like the signal from the mother ship has been broken, or at least temporarily interrupted! LOL
Let's back up a bit. My friend was induced the evening of the 30th, she had her beautiful baby girl early the morning of the 31st.
When I got home that evening I was exhausted from entertaining the other 2 kids. As I walked in the door H's mom called to invite him (us?) to dinner that evening. He said he would let her know. H asked if I wanted to go. I told him honestly if he did, that was fine, but I had a headache and was exhausted from the children and would love to stay home. He said he didn't want to go either, so we stayed home together.
We had a good time, went to the store and got some junk food, and then watched some movies, went to bed before the ball drop. He's still in the other room btw.
The Sunday before New Year's Eve there was a store I wanted to go to but it had snowed, H suggested waiting till later in the day, which I did. He asked if I still wanted to go and he drove me. He picked then to have a "talk". It was actually a really good talk, and even though these last 14 months he may not have said much to me he apparently has been working things out internally. Who would have guessed LOL.
I did a great job of validating and keeping my mouth shut, except for when appropriate (I did get a little teary at times). He said to me, "You're a good person and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't" and "I don't want you to take this the wrong way (which I didn't, I took this as a compliment) but I know I could never do better than you." He said he thinks "this last year helped him see that" and "he's missed me." He also told me he never had an affair, but definitely thought about it.
He said, "I know you think I was depressed, etc..." So I thought for a minute and remembered a conversation with my pastor's wife when she said, "If he doesn't want to call it depression then don't, why do you need to label it?" I said to him, "I think you are on a journey and I bet it is has been very confusing and scary for you." He gave me a look, not quite sure what it was, maybe, wow she gets it, IDK. It was a long conversation, and far too much to type.
Later that evening we went to his sister's, I finally got to meet our niece, the visit went well. His sister was nice to me, it was a little strange, but I kept reminding myself I did nothing wrong.
Since then he's not only telling me if he will be home late but telling me his plans, even texted once when he was going to be later than originally planned, he's been talking future tense about things pertaining to the both of us, he invited me to an upcoming match, has been telling me a lot about what he's done this last year..... brought some stuff out of "his" room that has been in there for over a year and put it where it goes in the house.
He has also helped me take down the Christmas tree, he did dishes, scrubbed the sink, vacuumed, swept the other floors and made a comment about doing spring cleaning.
Like I said we decided to take it one day at a time, and he is still in the other room. I am doing my very best not to overwhelm him or make him feel pushed in any way (it's hard sometimes), I look at all of these little things as signs of progress, but have no expectations, however, always hopeful. I haven't seen monster since that big blow up about my friend. Since then there were only a couple of evenings he was distant, but I keep reminding myself he still has work to do. I don't bring up our R, I will wait for him to do that. I'm not sure how this part all works but I'm sure God will guide me through it....
Happy New Year everyone.... here's to new beginnings...
She's still feeling the same as a few days ago, so who knows when her daughter will make her grand entrance. lol
