Hang in there man. This is tough stuff, and I completely get where you're at. So much of your sitch seems to mirror mine. I remember having those same feelings and I remember saying very similar things to W.
Unfortunately, no matter how much work we do, how much we learn, how much we think we understand the dynamics, etc. we cannot control our spouse. We can't make them get it, and unfortunately, in our cases, where we've had a history of control, we have difficulty even explaining anything to them....they think we are trying to control them (and if we're honest, most of the time we are).
Try to focus on the moment and let go of the rest. It's hard, and the lack of commitment still weighs on me sometimes, but it makes day to day so much easier.
