TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Haven't posted for a little while b/c I've been trying to figure out where I stand.

She has been nice and kind lately, but she is not the girl I loved anymore. My love for her is growing cold.

We agreed to buy present for each others family, but when I came to her parents place, she had for some reason told them it was completely out of the question that they were going to buy anything for me and vice versa. So they didn't, and felt bad for it. She is being super nice towards my friends, but is denying her parents to buy me a present. She didn't say anything to me about it, so I bought something for them. WTH is she thinking.

We bought gifts for each other, from S. She sent me a nice message christmas eve and thanked for the gift. She also gave me a nice gift.

I loved her for being a loving caring devoted mother, a loving faithful spouse. Good with money and responsible. Now she is running around wasting money, drinking and partying.

I know feelings are complicated. I know I still have feelings for her. After so many years, sure. But, for now I'm done.

I'm still going to work on me, my plan hasn't changed. Maybe she will be a gauge in my progress.
But, she is not a person I want in my life as a spouse anymore.
I don't even really want to spend time with her at this point, I just can't.
If there is major changes, who knows how I will feel then.

But I deserve better than this. I have to let her go completely, and treat myself with respect.


The new year is coming up, and I'm feeling positive about it. I will have good times with my S. Connect more with friends. Evolve in my hobbies and possibly take up skydiving again. I'm taking my life back! Who knows, maybe somewhere down the road I will meet a nice girl!