Ahhh the emotions stirred by these holidays. People place such import on perfection they cause themselves such angst.
I had a very good holiday. I spent time with my mother and my in-laws. I participated in the Slavic Christmas Eve my in laws host. I consumed a little more cheer than I should have, however I comported myself well.
My mother in law decided not to attend. She stated X has ruined Christmas, strangely the rest of us muddled on and seemed to have a good time. If she wishes to be a victim and have a snit in the corner she will. An old friend of mine used to say “You’ll have that” when confronted with drama stupidly, I am attempting to adopt the same level of detachment.
On the other hand my S drank too much, became morose while his wife drove home and turned inward. DIL called me and asked me to help her with him. I spent the next several hours consoling him and after we got him in the rack spoke further with DIL.
S is under a great deal of pressure to perform his assigned tasks. S feels guilty about the role he played when X left. S feels betrayed by his mother. S feels frustrated he cannot “fix” his mother, her relationship with his wife, himself, and the rest of the family.
What frightened his wife was his statement about being tired of all this sh!t and wanting to just end it all. He did not make this statement to me, but we removed weapons from their apartment that night. DIL said he was fine the next day after sleeping it off. I will become more intrusive in their lives and if I think I see any indication he will harm himself I will act. I will follow DIL’s lead here. She is sensitive to the potential risk and this is where she lives. I do not believe today is a day to act. I suspect there is little here to worry about, however I did not make it this far being an ostrich.
On the bright side, DIL and I are deepening a relationship. She is not seeing the villain I was portrayed as. She is seeing X struggling through her fog. She does not see the fog X is struggling with. She thinks X is bat sh!t crazy and behaving like an ass. I am not contributing to that perception. On the contrary I speak of good memories and time we shared. I find this is making it harder for me to stay detached, but so far I am managing.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
