LBS gearing up for the long haul

[Dm45]

I know it's not likely that everyone had a great Christmas, but I hope everyone had at least some joy and peace, and felt God's presence in your trial. I believe that one of the ways He speaks to us is through the advice of other followers, and I know the gentle words, examples, and 2x4s I've received here have helped me avoid blowing it completely and get to where I am with this today. I am thankful to you all and for you all.

Speaking of where I am today: My Christmas, and eve, was a thrill ride.

If you've been following, Ws car broke down on 12/23. We had left the sitch at SIL would bring her over. W texted me on 12/24 she's on her way in an hour, did I want her to bring lunch. I said sure.

Maybe 30 minutes later she texted "I have 2 things to tell you that I'm nervous about." considering my emotional state the last couple of weeks, I hope you can imagine where my mind went. It wasn't good. I immediately texted back "Don't do it over texting". She said "it's nothing bad, it's just, well I'll tell you when I get there."

So the free fall stopped, but I was still sliding down the hill.

Then she called to see what we actually wanted her to bring for lunch. I asked how she was getting here, because SIL is neighbor, and she was home. I was bracing myself that she'd be dropped off by OM...

She said that's one of the things she was nervous to tell me, was that she bought a new car...and the other was she got a job offer. Well that was a relief.

1st the car: She asked if I was mad. Sad no, shocked, etc. acted cool, congratulated, etc. The car is not extravagant, actually a smart choice on her part as far as cars go. What I did not express is my concern over our financial condition, etc... That's mostly my fault so no traction there.

2nd the job: she works 4 10 hr shifts and is off on Thursday's at a surgery center. The company has opened another center in the area that is floundering in some way, and they have asked her to go to the other center on Thursday's and help get them going. We see it as opportunity to break into nursing management at this new center, maybe eventually over several centers in the region.

I told her how proud I was of her. About my confidence in her abilities. She sees this 2nd job as not like before, working to make ends meet, but to have an opportunity to grow her career. We agreed we,mainly she, needs to manage her stress level carefully.

Once that was over we relaxed and started enjoying each other again, and R talk on and off, and I don't remember when each thing was said, but here's the gist.

She went in the kitchen, and saw I had been prepping to start on a big meal. I do know this was Christmas eve. She asked why are you cooking all this food, when all we need to take to SILs is one dish. I did not know that was the plan and told her. She asked how could I not know. We always go, etc.

I said I really believe you think I knew, but I obviously didn't. All I knew from you is you are coming over Xmas morning. Don't know what time, if you are leaving after opening gifts. My family not getting together til day after, so I prepared to cook a nice meal. I know you must think you communicated this to me, but obviously I didn't get it. We are not connecting on a lot of things, and I think you assume I know things that I don't.

I saw a look. I think it was understanding, and she said...I am coming over early, we will have breakfast, open gifts, I am staying all day, and going to dinner at SIL at 4. I'm not spending night. Not ready for that yet. I will be alone.

We had an almost normal time on Christmas. Other discussions she initiated around my business, whether to keep, career for me, and...

In the spirit of our previous discussion about Xmas day, she said, she wants me to keep my appt w/C on 12/29, she will do hers on 1/3, and then arrange to go TOGETHER!!!!!!!

She even listed things we will need to overcome ie trust issues, resentment, fear, shame... I mentioned at some point as a man I was ashamed that I let my end go to where it did. She said she has a lot of shame. I took the opportunity to get strong eye contact and say "I forgive you"

So, I am thankful for these events, and counting my blessings.