The green green grass of home. (Part 2 )

[Soul.Searching]

I'm starting to realize just how toxic our relationship was.
I had no trust for H. Well I thought I could trust him with the big things like cheating but it turns out I was wrong.
I couldn't rely on him. He would ditch me and our plans when ever it suited him.
It felt like me and the children were always second to his friends.
He spent money like his life depended on it.
He wasent really there for me on an emotional level much.

I was 16 when we started dating. It was all I had ever known really. He was my first long term relationship.

He disrespected me in public, with hurtful comments and I let him.
I was damaged. I should never have allowed him to treat me like that.

I do have occasional doubts about my decision but these are done if the reasons, I don't want to let myself.

He kept calling me today. Wanted computer help. I did help him but it was like he wanted to keep me on the phone but i ended the calls. I didn't tell him I was working and had three missed calls at work. He didn't answer when I called back.

I don't want to get sucked back in. I don't want to be his " When there's nothing better to do" he asked what I was doing at one stage and I told him I was setting up stuff the kids got for Christmas. He sounded really depressed. I feel sorry for him.

I'm not so much sad today but have been reflecting a lot.
It is what it is. It was what is was.

I have a lot of work to do on me.