Next Step, Moving On

[mamabird]

Nail,
I hate to say this, or maybe it will help, but I sympathize with your W - a lot. What she's saying to you felt familiar to me. I have to disagree w/Bond. I don't think it's MLC talk. I think that she really felt alienated from you, as much as she didn't want to feel that way.

She said you criticized and punished her and neglected her. Did you? Was this your insecurities talking? Did you really not appreciate her as much as she says? These are deep, deep, deep hurts, my friend. She is saying she gave you her body, but what she's not saying is that she felt used, she felt taken advantage of, she felt like you did not cherish her. You did not cherish her.

I am sure that at some point, she wanted nothing to be your queen, and instead she felt that you made her your garbage dump. Now, you're crying in front of her. My H is also depressed and went through a period of screaming at me and berating me, threatening to D me, throwing my stuff on the lawn, just acting like a lunatic. My mom's BF, who is over 80 but who was quite the ladies' man in his day, said, "Why would you want to be with someone so weak? Your W does not want to be with anyone weak. She is sick of it, she is over it, and what she WANTS is someone STRONG, someone who can take care of her, someone who is going to be her HERO, someone who is going to put her needs first, to put his arm around her, kiss her and tell her thank you for everything you do honey. You made her feel like a failure, a bad W, maybe even a bad person and bad mother.

It doesn't matter that this wasn't the norm, it doesn't matter how many good times you had. It doesn't matter that you provided, were a good dad, made dinner, did chores around the house or any of that. If that's how you think you showed her your love, you failed. She did not feel loved by you.

What matters is that you did something to violate her like this. Trust me, she is angry, resentful and feels completely ignored and violated. She has felt stuck in this M for a long time. She stayed because she had 2 young ones and wanted to try with you, and for them. But when she tried, you shut her out even more, and now this is what she's left with. The woman is leaving you so she can save herself.

Sorry Nail, I know this is harsh. But I get it, I soooooo get where she's coming from. This is not MLC talk, do not blow it off. Did your wife have an A? I can't remember, but these would have been perfect conditions for her to have one if she didn't.