Changing Directions

[RegretfulLA]

You know what, Ruby? Next year, I fill my own stocking. Mom doesn't take good enough care of Mom and that needs to change, because no one else is going to do it, as I've come to realize. My own mother is somewhat of a martyr and it hasn't done her much good; she passed that "we do for others but not ourselves" ethic onto me and I've had a hard time shaking it.

We had a good day. It took me a long time (years) to warm up to H's side of the family, but it still felt comfortable there, even with all the BS going on. I had a heart to heart with H's stepmother's sister, who is sickly but is very sweet and I have always liked her. She said she had heard things were bad, but didn't realize how bad - and also she said that H's father and stepmother held nothing against me. H has a younger half brother and sister who are in their 20s, so I've known them for more than half of their lives (when H and I started dating, they were the ages that my kids are now), and I feel like they are my little brother and sister too. H's older sister and mother were also there.

One new thing this year was a "no gifts for adults" policy, instituted by H's stepmother. Although I'm a big girl now, I found this kind of disappointing. I like receiving gifts, and I realized that it's not really fair for SM to impose that rule on everyone. So, I decided that I'm going to take a few hundred bucks and spend it on me. I really don't do enough of that. I need a haircut, a pedicure, and could use a little wardrobe overhaul, which should involve actually shopping in a store vs. my usual buy it online and hope it fits.

I gave S6 Yahtzee as one of his gifts - he loves games - and we played it w H's half bro and sis. Fun. Then S9 joined. Then when we got home they asked H to join, which he did, although he does not normally like games. A 180 for him. On the way home S9 had to pee and I had to tell H 3 times to stop the car, but afterwards, he actually said, "I'm sorry, I was wrong for not stopping." Another 180! Wish some of these 180s involved his attitude towards me, but I'll live.