Trying really hard to be Thankful today...

[Sweetbriar]

Thanks for the Christmas wishes! Acc...thanks for the advice, and yes, keeping all texts just in case! Funny, he never wants to text or talk, but when he is crying, he chooses me to text and tell...when he is feeling suicidal, its me he chooses to text and tell...ugg...Just think he wanted to get in my head last night...knowing I was up wrapping and getting things ready for my kids. I do think he was unhappy though....probably thinking of how things used to me and are no longer...your choice buddy!

Anyway...my day was AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL and there were NO TEARS all day!!! I was so happy! We had a wonderful Christmas morning and the girls loved all their gifts. I made a wonderful breakfast for us and we really enjoyed ourselves and laughed a lot. Honestly, and this is totally being honest, I did not think of H one time during present opening...I guess because they were all from me and I didnt have any connection with him when he came to that part. I did think of him a couple random times throughout the day...but that was it. He texted the girls and wished them Merry Christmas and mentioned he was at work because he didnt want to sit around his parents house all day...whatever.

We spent the afternoon and early evening at my grandmothers house and enjoyed the time with my family! Tomorrow we head to my moms house and my bro is coming into town with his crew...so lots of Christmas time!! I took pictures (which I have lacked in doing since H left) and just had a nice day.

I have to say...I came home tonight and said to myself...I can do this...and I am doing this! This new year that is around the corner must hold something good for me in it..because 2012 was awful in more than just H leaving...sooo..I can only hope and pray that good will come of 2013. Of course, my little man will be arriving in the first week of March and that will be wonderful!

I still cant understand H and maybe I never will. He can text me when he is down and crying, but today, I hear nothing...no Merry wihes at all. Weird, but it is what it is...he has a trip to Mexico to get ready for and I bet he wont be crying and thinking suicide when he is there. I wish I could help him....but am focusing on helping myself right now.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas regardless of what your sitch is. I know it was hard, but we got through and that is all we could ask for this year, right?

SB