The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[FloydMan]

Very true RT….I don’t think W will ever get to that place. The kids point it out to her from time to time. Like this morning she wanted to video tape the kids coming down the stairs like we do every year and they were already up for a while so they did not want to and thought it was too made up. D14 said, “why? this is fake and phoney”. I asked her to play along and she complied. The kids are happy with all their things, but clearly not feeling like they should. Material things are not what makes a family. They do see that.
I went to church with the girls at !2:00noon and when we came back W was gone for the day. They were expecting to see her. Going with them to my sisters’ family for dinner with the girls. They love their aunt. My sister and W were best friends so I imagine W feels some loss there. Her choice.
Yep, DBing for me and the girls so we do not become worse with it.

Merry Christmas to you too!

[FloydMan]

Thanks RLA, Merry Christmas to you too!
I tried the compassion this for so long, and still do but she gets more angry at it than anything. Doesn’t trust it as genuine I guess and does not want to feel feelings. To me it all starts with kindness but she clearly does not want to start anything. I agree how draining it is. Keeping up with 180 and LRT. She sees that s hostile too. No matter what I do, she is done. So she should let the anger go….she’s getting what she wants.
It is cold, 34 degrees F but not much snow. Just a little to cover the grass, so at least a whitish Christmas.  d10 was happy about that.

[FloydMan]

Finally some snow!

W has been mean and ignoring all Holidays and for weeks leading up to it. Not wanting anything from me or doing anything for me and chewing me out for simple things....can't win for trying.
Yet, a little while ago tonight she asked if I wanted a Latte for her to make. I turned it down and kind of ignored her as we watched Sound of Music with d10. She also did some of my laundry again. We agreed multiple times over the last several months that it was not to happen as she will only throw it back in my face for some guilt that she did it. She does it then complains and then I tell her not to do it. Then she does it again. She has made it clear we are done and there is no hope as recently as the other day. I have not asked or suggested anything about R in months. She just threw it out there as she was giving me crap about a few things all at once.

Looks like she has booked some days with her and the girls next week. I think they are going out of town for a couple days without asking/informing or running it by me. Don't know where...probably Niagara. Still, that is not cool.

Is she trying to get me to really dislike her...it may be working. Good plan.

[FloydMan]

My d10 lost it on her mother last night. They fought for over an hour. d10 is not accepting things even though W is telling everyone (her family and our friends) that the kids are fine. At the 45 minute mark W came to me and asked me to get her out of her room. I was told by 2 counselors and a coach not to interfere with her R with kids. I have always for years had my W back when kids were insolent with her and a couple months ago finally detached from that. It is hard, but it is what I was told to do. W is frustrated with this and of course blames me. She is a WAW and seems she cannot deal with R's on any level and walks away. That is their nature...run or bury head in sand. After an hour (at 1:00am), W just left d10 there crying and went downstairs and sat with the dog for most of the night. d10 wanted to talk to her sister (d14) so I let them have some privacy for a few minutes and d10 came to me and wanted to sleep in my bed. She held me for most of the night. W tried to be all cheery with d10 this morning and d10 ignored her. My d10 called her selfish. She really let her feelings be known last night.
This is crazy.

[Spartan]

I think you did the right thing staying out of it and supporting kids when they need it. I can only imagine how tough it must be. With the questions my D is asking me it's probably only a matter of time before she confronts my W. I think I'm saying all the right stuff to D regarding our sitch and making sure not to blame or talk bad about W but her questions/ tone makes me think she's blaming W. Wasn't sure what I'd do when/ if it happens so glad to hear input your C's have given you.

She is a WAW and seems she cannot deal with R's on any level and walks away. That is their nature...run or bury head in sand. After an hour (at 1:00am), W just left d10 there crying and went downstairs ...

That sounds awfully familiar

[tori2012]

FM, sorry you're going through this. So tough. It's good your D expressed her feelings, though. Also good you're getting professional help.

[JuneReN]

FM, not much to say except I think of did the right thing...just some support (()))

[mamabird]

I told same thing to Spartan - just be strong for your girls and let them know how much you love them and will always be there for them, no matter what. They really need one sane parent right now. I am so sorry that your W can't control herself around d10. Sounds like your W could benefit from some empathy training, but obviously she is too wrapped up in her own issues to do that right now.

[FloydMan]

Thanks everyone. This is so tough. W just left for Niagara Falls with the girls. d14 has a friend going along as a surprise from her mom this mornng and d10 is a little upset about that. d10 keeps telling her mom she wants me to go. Obviously better off that I don't. W did not even say goodbye or look at me but made sure to smooch the dog over and over in front of me. She never kisses the dog....that is new. Ever see the movie 'This Is Spinal Tap'? There is a line in one of theor spoof songs "You know where you stand in a Hell Hole".

[mamabird]

My H makes sure to smother the kids and dogs with extra love too, it is so weird...