The green green grass of home. (Part 2 )

[Soul.Searching]

The kids were saying bye, not buy lol. That was on my phone and I was still out, I was interrupted by family giving my R talks.

So anyway, we both cried, they left and I was sad. I sad in the car for a bit crying and trying to compose myself. People kept asking me if I was okay, which kept making me nearly cry. I was sad but had this tiny bit of peace at the same time.

H said he cried himself to sleep lastnight. It had to have been hard on him too.
So he only had the kids for maybe three hours, then he brought them back. I asked him how his family was and he said he didn't know, he didn't talk to them.
I said didn't you take the kids to the party. He said he did but he didn't really talk to anyone. Hmmm, so he is pushing his family away too???

He also brought back all the kids pressents. I asked him what about toys for his house (His Mums house.) and he said he will have to buy them toys. Hmm okay, makes sense. I'm not complaining, it's just hard to comprehend.

When he was picking the kids up, after we both cried, he did cuddle me a few times. Yes I cuddled him back. He was dressed in a new shirt, which is very common these days but the shirt was a totally different style.
He has lost a lot if weight, he looks too skinny now. He smelled different, he cuddled me different.
It was strange. Like familiar but not at the same time. His a different person now.
I felt sorry for him. I don't think it's something I will ever understand.
I know it hurts him and every time I see him, I'm so sure he still loves me.
The way he looks at me, I don't know. I could be wrong bit I sure feel like he does. One of life's mysteries I guess.

My kids ended up with so much stuff, my house is still a huge mess. There's stuff all over the place.

I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally.
All In all, it was better than what I had antisipated. Sad but still had good points.
A good learning curve too. I can do this.