Not If He Came Gold Plated!

[kml]

Hoping for a bidding war!

[BeingMe]

Good luck, Wendy!

[WenikiTiki]

Well what a goat rope. The people never showed, my realtor called the other agent and he said he had sent he an email cancelling. So I worked from 8 this morning to 3 this afternoon. When I got the call yesterday for the showing I had just pulled 10 boxes of Christmas decorations down from the attic.

My DIL came over and vacuumed the whole house, including the huge lanai, it took her 3 hours. I mopped all the floors then, and had been getting decorations out and the boxes put away. And all the million other little details you must attend to when showing a house. (You know hiding the toothbrushes and making it seem like actual people don't live in the house.)

So my youngest son found out that the people were a no-show, and he started ranting away about the waste of his day. And I hung up on his dumb little self. I really don't know where he is going to live when I move from here. But not with me.

He took 6 hours to clean his 300 sf room. And called in sick to work, because it was so stressful having to clean his room..... I am starting to think he is the most immature about to turn 23 year old I know. And according to all around me it is all my fault.

Which kind of ticks me off. I was a self starter, I was independant and I was eager to be on my own and to pay my own bills and run my own life. I don't know what I was supposed to do different with him. My X always wanted to give the kids everything his parents had given him. Wich was way more than my parents gave me. But now I have an adult son who acts like a spoiled 16 year old.

And his anger and cussing and hitting and breaking things scares me and puts me straight into anxiety mode. When he griped at me about the house showing gone wrong, all I could think was how can he not see that I was just as irritated as he was. I tried to be upbeat and said that well at least we would be ready for the two showings on Friday. And that got me more nastiness. So I hung up on him.

And I guess I need to DB him. Or get him to DB me?!? He should at least treat me with as much respect as he would a stranger. And that is what I'm going to ask him to do.....

So thank you all for letting me vent!

[nero]

hey hi-

it seems all my friends (5) with sons have problems with them similar to your own. for some reason- the girls manage to become independent- run their own lives and want to do so. the sons seem to not want to leave- and are not particularly nice to boot.

i wonder to myself if it's our society and the changed role of men- from the "dads" and strong guys that took care of us all in our families - to whatever the heck they are now. i can't begin to guess how they see their "role" in life.

i see that i'm 61 and my overwhelming characteristic is that i'm always thinking i need to "take care" of someone. not usually me- someone else. it's my pleasure usually- i can't winkle out all the ins and outs. i grew up in a big fam & helped "take care" of younger kids. it's who i am i guess - part of a gang. (it's not a great m.o. at this point in my life- but i see it & how it came to be i think)

with men- with my h too - i can't figure what the heck they want to be or think they are? he worked long and hard- is nuts in retirement- his dad & mom ditched each other- he got stuck with dad and i see things about him that he describes as his dad's "flaws" that he hated. he select4ed a woman like me- allllll about family & stability. yet- now he's freaked out and unable to commit. (after 35 yrs of enjoying that stability and HOME) wtf??

seems young people don't have the "etched in stone" values we did when we were young- i like to blame tv and movies a whole lot- i do think they send a free and loose message out to everyone. traditional families and values are taking a beating. it sounds cheesy- but our society's comic outlook on the family, fidelity, etc isn't helping us all one bit. i think it's damaging the fabric of our country's youth.

i don't think it's "learned" tho , necessarily. kids in same families- some spoiled & rich - some humble - it's the same deal. some come away all "fancy & self-involved" - some come away all giving and caring. it's the individual child/person i think. if your crime is caring too much or giving too much- that doesn't necessarily convey the right to be a jerk - imho

somehow - i think the young men of our land are (struggling?) with their identity more than women. maybe because they don't have to hunt and kill each other- all that unexpressed hositility and man-ness??? i don't know- it's sure somehting.

ug - me man - me want kill - me want action - me want excitement- me want me want me want...

my nephew is 28 - pretty much does nothing except nag his mother- she doesn't want to kick him out on street because she has no faith in him making a go of life- reckons he'll end up alcoholic or dead on the street(??) sad no faith in him- tho he shows nothing to make her have it. blames everyone else in universe for his "failure" -

she is working like mad allll the time- he's got a good example in his face daily. she does feed him and pay the bills, and give him a home. what the heck is the right or wrong of it? i think it's his character - taker - self-involved. he certainly watches her work and see how it's done...

i can't see how it comes from her- other than she cares about him and i don't know-

i'm thinking it may not be all you doing it - contrary to what you say you think people think. good luck with it- just throwing in my two cents. for what it's worth - if anything.

xxo

[hrm134]

Hey Wendy, I was reminded of an article I read months ago and saved in my work e-mail about this topic. The article was called "The Difference Between a Man and a Boy" and it was from the National Fatherhood Initiative website (you should be able to google it). It was an interesting article (I don't necessary agree with all of it, but it was worth reading), and there is also a book called The Demise of Guys: Why Boys are Struggling and What we can do about it By:Philip G. Zimbardo. I haven't read the book.

I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

[WenikiTiki]

Hi All!

We showed the house again yesterday. A second look for some people who live out of state. In two week they are coming back to show the house to another family member. They want it for a second home, they live all over the world and consider Hawaii a nice spot to meet in the middle.

Thanks for the thoughts, support on the adult sons with failure to launch! I'm headed out to a party. And I got my hair cut today and I look super cute. Like a brunette Princess Di!

Aloha,

Wendy

[WenikiTiki]

So today X went to a party with people he works with. He came home with food, and reported the conversation with the wife of the guy who had the party. She told him he was still young, he could get married agiain and start a new family. How darn insulting to me and our children. What, just forget us, start a new family?!?

Okay he is 54! And it makes me want to punch this gal in the face. She also told him that she and her girlfriends would be happy to come over and "cook" for him. What the F ever. Oh wait, until yesterday, I was still cooking for him. Stay out of my kitchen, ladies!

Clearly no one he works with knows I divorced him because of his "being in love" with OW. I don't think they know she exists. I don't know why it bothers me. Maybe because she knows nothing about us, the situation, just that "Poor X" got divorced by his wife. Poor, Poor him......

Yesterday I had quite a meltdown. I told X I am no longer cooking his dinners, buying his darn bananas or watching TV with him. I asked him did OW know about all the time we spent together, and he told me he wasn't going to talk about it. Yes, we won't talk about it. But I refuse to be part of the break-up to make-up games she plays with him. When they fight, he comes back around to me, acting like we are best buddies. And it hurts me. I am tired of him hurting me.

I don't want to be his friend, his substitute mother or his darn housekeeper. He said he wants our relationship to be civil. There is a big difference between civil and housekeeper. From now on I zig when he zags. He is terrified of being alone. Not my problem. I keep reading stuff into his actions. He doen't want to get back together with me. He just hates being alone!

I have no problem being alone. It appears I've been alone for years, I just didn't see it!

[job]

Wendy,
How was the party? I'm sure your new haircut looked smashing. I always liked Princess Diana's haircuts. They always looked so neat and attractive on her, just as I am sure your new do does too.

It is very evident that your xh has not told people that you both are still living in the residence and they sure don't know the entire story. He's definitely not going to tell them. I'm sorry he came back and told you about the conversation. Maybe he did it to get a rise out of you, which in a way he did.

I'm glad you have finally put your foot down about being his maid and mother. It's time that Wendy took care of herself for a chance. As for your h not being alone...many of the mlcers are like that.

I do hope that your home sells quickly in the new year.

Merry Christmas!

[WenikiTiki]

Thanks Snodderly! The party I went to was a small one welcoming back a Marine from deployment. His first name is the same as my X's..... Something I will have to just get over! I am a substitute mom for some of these young families. I enjoyed listening to the light-hearted banter between these young men who have all deployed several times. So glad they are all home for Christmas!

I worked out this morning, then went to both my favorite beaches. A nice looking guy, my age, was shamelessly hitting on me. I asked was he married, he said yes, so I said maybe he could introduce me to his single friends.....

I came home finished wrapping the gifts, and I am as done as I can get! I will make cinnamon rolls in the morning, wait for my oldest and his family to roll in. We will open gifts, then we plan to spend the afternoon at the beach. For Christmas Dinner we will have a Vegan Feast. My oldest was also born on Christmas, and that is his dinner wish!

I might go to Midnight Mass with my BFF tonight. I should do something. I have never been to a Midnight Mass. And only ever went to mass a few times before. All my friends are Catholic, I am thier token Protestant friend!

Anyway! Happy Christmas to All and to All a Goodnight!

PS My Christmas wish is for everyone to have Peace in their hearts! I love you all!

[~ kd ~]

All my friends are Catholic, I am thier token Protestant friend!

lol, we are all supposed to have one of those. It says so in the good book...

Have a great evening and merry x-mas to you, Wendy!