Thank you, Wendylon and TGirl! My H just left. Very unexpected to end up spending time with him today. The visit went well. I told my mom about the DB rules so she would moderate her enthusiasm (my mom is very dramatic.) Mom disagreed with the DB strategies, but she did it anyway (thank goodness!) He brought his own dinner and I sat with him while he ate it (Mom and I had already had dinner.) Then, I played a movie I had rented earlier today...very funny. With Sandra Bullock. I laughed so much. He did too. He kept shooting glances at me and would look away when I noticed. I kept repeating myself to not make anything out of this, and thought about you guys...and the fact that he has no clue what an important part of my life you all are.
After my mom left, I noticed he wanted to say something (I'm very good at reading body language.) I said, "what?" He told me he was trying to find the right words. That he didn't want me to make out too little or too much of his visit. That he wanted to say thank you for having him and that it was nice being with me. I said to live in the moment (thinking of what the coach said about conveying that I was ok with the uncertainty.) He said, "right on! I wasn't sure about coming over, but I asked myself what I really wanted to do, and I did it, like Anita Morjani said." He's been listening to the audio book and apparently enjoying it. Of course that later he pulled out the "Anita Morjani said culture is not real, so why can we not touch each other if it's bc of culture?" I said he wasn't going to get away with that one. Kept the boundaries going. Only allowed hugging and hand holding. Oh, and we cuddled on the couch for a while after the movie. Yes, he tested my limits again, but this time it was easier to manage. I hope I didn't set the limits too loose (i.e. cuddling.) I think it's fine. They talk about the oxytocin being released with contact like that, so who knows :-)
He was kind to my mom, too. Big change. Before he moved out, he was being so nasty, and said he could not stand my mom for more than 30 minutes. That hurt a lot. But tonight he was polite and called her Mom, which is what she wants. On his Xmas card to her, he said, "You will always be my Mom." He's earned some W points (or STBXW points--ugh.)
So I am telling myself that I will continue this until it doesn't feel right anymore. I think every contact improves our R but I'm afraid not to the point that it'll stop the D :-(
