Things got better for a little while and then went downhill again. Most of it is due to me wanting a label of "in a relationship" "boyfriend/girlfriend" and she was more just "we aren't together" but we are working on things to see if we can get back together.
Most troubling thing is that I went snooping in an old phone of hers and found her sexting back in July with the father of the baby. We got into it big time and she finally told me they had kissed and she had thought about going back to him.
It's tricky b/c it is old and after that she was still with me, was my g/f, was trying, and things hadn't gotten really bad for another 2 months.
So she told me this morning that she is absolutely done and will begin looking for a place so she can move out in the new year, hopefully by the end of Jan. She just wanted to finish xmas stuff today and for me to "not ruin Christmas for the kids" by putting a smile on my face and I can go back to being miserable after they head out to family (I'm not invited and I have to work anyway).
Later in the day I texted and me pushing is when she told me about the kiss and her thinking about leaving me in July. The pushing, the non-stop digging, was some of her biggest complaints this morning. Needless to say she was getting pissed and I kept pushing. I actually acted a bit a**holey and was sexting her and such. I asked her to give it one last chance and have a good kiss with me tonight and see how she feels. She kept saying no and for me to stop. I wouldn't and she called me to tell me to stop b/c she had stuff to get done.
Hours later I sent one last text that was nicer. I said that if all I wanted her for was sex and didn't care about her and the kids I would've went through with the eviction. I told her that I still believe that there's something between us. She had asked why a kiss matter and I explained that it communicates feelings in a special way, that it's a start to something and said that for Christmas, for a new start, for us to work past all of these problems and have a truly strong relationship that we should kiss tonight.
No response to that text. I can hope, pray, and look for a Christmas miracle but I realize that most likely there will be no kiss tonight.
Here's the worst part. I bought a promise/engagement ring for her for her Christmas gift. It's wrapped up and under the tree already. I don't have anymore gifts for her b/c the focus was on the kids. All I can figure right now is to let her open it as planned and see what happens.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
