SS, I'm am soo sorry Christmas is this rough for you. I remember being a wreck the 1st year - all I can say is it DOES get better.
Honey - I know you are hurting and this isn't what you want life to be...but you have to get control of your actions and what triggers you.
Contact with your H triggers your emotional rollercoaster. If you can't stop the rollercoaster (which makes sense) you need to learn to control the interactions with him...
.. which may very well mean NO CONTACT unless about your children.
because the truth is - it would have been a lose/lose situation for him. If he would have not txted you - you would have been upset as well....
... so understanding that your reaction would have been the same NO MATTER WHAT - means the work is within you.
You've set yourself some pretty solid boundaries. You don't want to be friends with your H. You've defriended him on facebook. Eventually you will not respond to any txts or phonecalls unless it's about your kids.
Those are hard lines and he will cross them You will have temp - checking, the anger burst, etc....
.... and it will be challenging to uphold them. But you have to remember that these boundaries are for YOU.
Because in all honesty - you are not in an emotional place to show love towards your H. And that's totally okay.
You need to love yourself now.. and although I wish it was all - show yourself grace, allow yourself anger... etc.... it also means... saying "I'm not going to put myself in these situations because it hurts me... now matter how much I want to".
After 2 years.. I still get angry at myself that I can't be in certain situations or do certain things.. but they are triggers for me and until my heart is healed (which I have faith it will) I need to protect myself.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
