Ok, so I need to vent for 2 minutes, because if not my head may very well explode...
I have been gone all morning, my friend went to the doctor and they sent her to the hospital, she ended up getting sent back home because her contractions are five minutes apart, so I could be called back to her place at any time to watch her other kids.
I got home this afternoon, H asked about her and I filled him in. I said I may have to leave in the middle of the night, if so please remember to take the gifts I have for his family. I had made homemade all natural body scrub and because I'm such a nice person I made one for his mom, sister and brothers gf, I also bought a small gift for our niece I have yet to meet. He said maybe when he gets back this evening we could put them in a bag. He is going to his mom's house tonight AND tomorrow..... wtf..... controlling b!tch. I asked if there was an occasion for him to be going both times, he crankily answered, "Because she invited me, and if it makes her happy."
At this point I pasted on a smile and said, "well those cookies aren't going to bake themselves." and walked into the kitchen, started pulling out ingredients. The more I thought about it the more hurt and furious I became.... I came back here to where the computer was.
H comes back and says, you didn't get me anything for Christmas did you? I'm sure he knows that a yes, all he would have to do is read the tags on the gifts under the tree. I said yes, I did. He tried to look annoyed and said I knew you would do that, I got you a little something too. I said that's so sweet, you didn't have to do that, I may cry. He told me not to cry it's no big deal. I told him it meant something to me that he thought of me. He said, "I never said I stopped thinking about you." I didn't say anything to him, but I do remember him saying on several monster occasions that he doesn't think of me.... He then asked me how much weight I have lost, said I look smaller than when we met, I told him I'm not. I told him he did too. He went on to tell me he went and ran 2 miles at the gym today and was thinking about doing a 5K, I said I've been thinking about doing that too. I told him the autism walk/run is in April (like it is every year) he seemed interested.... IDK what to think of anything anymore....
Then he went on to say he thinks we should start having our talks after the holidays and he doesn't think we should talk at home because our talks don't end up good. He said we either end up fighting or in bed. I pointed out that if we went somewhere together we would end up in bed and that doesn't mean that's a bad thing. he chuckled at me. I'm not really looking forward to these talks because he's clearly needing to work through his own issues, and I'm not dealing with Mr. Spoiled for the rest of my life. He's my husband and I love him very much, but my life isn't going to revolve around placating to his mother. I don't know what her grip is on him, but he needs to wake up and see her for who she really is.
Then as he was getting ready to leave, I said, oh are you leaving now? He got a little annoyed and was like, "Yeah. Why am I allowed?" I was a bit thrown off and said, "Of course, I didn't realize we were done talking, sorry."
I kind of almost think he was looking for an excuse not to go, but sorry, not my problem, you want to make mommy happy, and bend to her every beck and call have at it, that's not going to happen for me. Cut the strings H, cut the strings, wake up and see this is NOT a healthy parent/child relationship.
Also during the earlier conversation he asked if I was going anywhere for Christmas or not because of the baby and if my friend had anyone else to help. I told him no, I plan on cooking, and no not really, her sister in law has kids and her work schedule is different, so I'm her first go to. He asked what time I am making dinner. I told him for around noon unless I would have to leave, and he is more than welcome to eat. He said his mom is going to have early dinner this year, so he will be eating there, but he's sure I'll have plenty of leftovers..... story of my fvcking life with him and his super enmeshed mother relationship.....I'm sick and tired of being the leftovers...
Deep cleansing breath.... deep cleansing breath..... now.... how do I handle these darn talks he wants to have..... especially with his mom's hand up his ass....and when the heck are is eyes opened to her and her evil ways??
