Yes, I did pick the phone up, but as I said hello, the caller hung up. It's the same every year. Oh, well...his loss.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Every year, every holiday, every anniversary or special event. I always get a call one or two days before the "special day". I've learned to laugh about it. ET has to phone home to remind me he's still out there in his little pod. My precious little pod person. LOL!
Many, many years ago, this behavior irked me...now, it tells me that even w/him marrying the twinkle twat, I'm still on his mind! LOL!
Merry Christmas one and all!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Now that's just something else. ET phoning home like that.
Well Snodderly, I hope you're tooting your own horn! Maybe he married her, but you are simply IRREPLACEABLE!
Well I've had a very Merry Christmas. Work was great, the greatest gift of all was a PEACEFUL DAY AT WORK. I am so happy for that because where I work is CHAOS, CHAOS, CHAOS.
The girls had a good Christmas with family and their father. We enjoyed our gift opening when they got home today.
The girls and I ended up picking out a special ornament for XH from the girls for Christmas. Lord....I feel akward about that, cause I know if I had't have spotted it and known he would love it the girls wouldn't have known what to get for him. WEll... he loved it and has been eyeing this ornament for a while I guess according to the girls. He also loved the present I picked out for his birthday from the girls too. I guess I feel awkard cause he's got to know Ive had a hand in helping them with this even if it's from them to their Dad.
XH was sad when he asked D13 if they wanted to come home today and she said yes, that we planned to open our presents this afternoon when I got home from work. He thought we had done it Xmas Eve. Which I orginally planned that, but the girls changed their minds and wanted to do it xmas day, so I thought that was ok. XH pulled out pretty slow from the driveway today, hasn't done that in a while.
OW's daughter and her baby came to the house for xmas and that was it. Sounds like OW's daughter is completely different from her Mother. She's upbeat, friendly and really nice. She tried to talk to the girls and make friends with them, which I thought was nice. But Ow spoke a few words to D10 and nothing to D13. No gifts to the girls either.
I sense that XH has finally started to grasp that the girls do not want to be around OW and feel much happier at home. No spew or nasty emails, which I was thinking might happen.
At any rate Im off to watch the Xfiles with D13....we love our weird stuff like that.
Hope everyone had a good Holiday. Mine was pretty good, better than i thought it would be. I was sad yesterday. I admit I still miss my own family Christmas, but the most important thing was very clear this year which was how much we all love eachother. Xh family was very nice and kind to me over the last few days. D10 was told by I guess I would consider BIL #2 to tell me hello, which meant alot. I haven't seen him in 2 years.
I'm happy to come here and read that you and the girls had a nice Christmas. Sounds like everything went okay w/everyone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2012 IS DONE AND 2013 IS HERE. I DECLARE IT WILL BE A WONDERFUL YEAR FOR ALL OF US.
I for one am so glad to put this last year behind me.. I am so glad to just keep truckin forward! Oh ya.
The girls go back to school tomorrow. They had a good vacation but school is back in session just in time. WE've got some cabin fever going on here! Bicker , Bicker, stomp, yell. Oh ya. Sisterly love!
Went to visit XH father's side of the family the other day... such a treat to be with these people and still be welcome in their family. The girls got to see their cousin that has kidney failure and was in the hospital for a month. She's feeling better and doing better, but won't be better until that kidney is transplanted.
Well.... interestingly enough... XH has not spoken to the girls in 7 days. I don't think he's ever gone that long since he left. The longest was 4. The good thing is the girls don't seem to miss him, nor are longing to talk to him. They haven't wanted to call him or taken the initiative to call him. He seemed rather pre occupied with OW's daughter Xmas day, by the description I got from D10, but then again I take that with a grain of salt too.
But you know what? I swear him not having the ability to text the girls, or even me for that sake has given us a sense of peace and quiet that I don't think we've had since he left. So perhaps it was a blessing in disguise the girls don't have cell service. Now that I've had some down time with no word from him at all.... it's even more clear to me now how his constant contact with the girls, (just hearing their phones was bad), hearing them complain about "having" to text him, let alone when he'd contact me.... really had EVERYTHING to do with all my backslides!
Once again, if he had GONE QUIETLY.... I would've healed faster and maybe not have grieved so deeply.
It took me over a year to really see the pattern, but it's the truest thing. They don't want to let go, and don't ever really have any intention of letting doing it, yet they don't want to be with you either. Damndest thing, but so glad I finally grasp that truth.
Im hoping to get the girls new phones when the tax return comes. I can't swing it now, but when I get the extra cash, it's much more cost effective to buy the phones and then get the phone cards monthly. Damn.... would I be considered a witch if I didn't give him the girls numbers immediately?
I know the answer that. However the thought gives me such self satisfaction!
Hope everyone is well and their New Year is off to a good start!
He will email me details, and not even tell the girls.
He will tell the girls about some things, but not say anything to me.
He will inundate me and the girls with details.
And it's random. We never know what cycle this will be.
A year ago my attorney had to get on his case about informing me about his days off because the kids couldn't keep anything straight. XH wouldn't do it to save his life. Then he had some attack of conscious and decided he was going to start telling me everything. Then he started flip flopping to the above scenarios!
Since then the girls only stay with him every other week and it's only 1-2 nights a week. I only want to know when they'll be there. That's it. Important details can be reported or brought up accordingly. I have no interest in interfering with him and the girls unless a problem arises that needs some attention.
I've explained to the girls that if there are problems with XH I want to know. If OW causes them problems, I want to know. Other than that I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR FATHER, period.
My dilemma. I want to email back and tell XH that he no longer needs to report these things to me as the girls are much better at telling me everything.
However, I do believe anything can push the MONSTER BUTTON and what I then would expect is him NOT telling me things I should know if it ever arises. He would do that just out of spite, because I told him he doesn't have to report everything to me.
My friend at work says he keeps doing these things because he's trying to converse with me and communicate. My D13 just said the same thing.
So WTF is he trying to communicate?
Lets give him the benefit of the doubt... what if he's trying to get some sort of repor back with me, whatever the hell that could be.
Xh is shy and akward around people he wants to get to know.
Is this the best he can come up with? I mean if he mentally is 18 years old again?
Im sorry... I have 0 patience for a man that is 42 years old acting like a hormonal 18 year old!
XH disassociates and springs back to life every 2 - 6 months. When engaging back into life, he's mentally back to things going on 2-6 months ago but believe they're going on NOW.
2 months ago I was friendly with him in the driveway and he acted kinda giddy and akward, wantin to talk but not knowing what to say. Perhaps he's mentally there now, I don't know.
His anger valve is really out of control since the accident.
Im just venting because it's still so frustrating. I literally don't know WHO im dealing with from time to time. Either he hates me, or wants to be best friends and acts as if nothing has gone wrong. I bet you he doesn't even remeber why we're divorced!He either wants to be father of the year, co parent of the year, by buddy, or he hates me! I feel like he's 3-5 different men all in one.
I can't fix him. I've worked really hard on the co dependence I had with him. I don't want to control the outcome any longer.
But then again maybe I do because I want to control him annoying the hell out of me!
Well I had a peaceful 7 days up until he started contact again. I finally felt free.
I guess it just takes more time to get used to this everlasting thorn in my side. I guess Eventually I just won't know it's there anymore.
My dilemma. I want to email back and tell XH that he no longer needs to report these things to me as the girls are much better at telling me everything.
However, I do believe anything can push the MONSTER BUTTON and what I then would expect is him NOT telling me things I should know if it ever arises. He would do that just out of spite, because I told him he doesn't have to report everything to me.
My friend at work says he keeps doing these things because he's trying to converse with me and communicate. My D13 just said the same thing.
Thorn in the side is a good description, I think.
Are you really afraid of the monster button at this point? What can he possibly do at this point to hurt you? I mean, really? I think that should be your last fear, right?
K, since mine remarried, she has been an absolute thorn in my side. She tells me one minute she doesn't want to co-parent, then sends me all kinds of emails regarding my son's school. She wants me to pay for my daughter's school (I'm happy to, but I have a problem talking to her since she can't remember her conversations; no way will I get in a financial agreement with ex). Then she accuses me of having no decency, being narcissistic, and bi-polar. The accusations fly with a purpose, I suppose. She even went so far as to ask me if I was still planning to go on vacation with my son. I confirmed it, then she sent me three more emails asking for information she isn't entitled to. Friendly? Not really. Intrusive and without reason? Absolutely.
Know what I do? I file them away. I stopped responding unless applicable. I've barely said three sentences to her since June of this year. That's for me. I follow the contract to the letter, but that's it. I save those emails in a folder for my attorney. I also pull up information if needed to remind her I already answered questions if they were asked. And then I go about my life.
My suggestion? Let him send them. He'll get tired of it or you'll have so much information about what's going on it'll be ridiculous. Either way, it won't stop most likely. It certainly won't if you respond.
Let it run its course and just file it away, K. It's crazy. It's a pain. I agree. But the more you don't respond the better. It'll eventually go away on its own.
Timely. I have an email from ex, and I actually thought about responding to the accusation. I was torn between that or sending it to my attorney for action. I chose to do neither and just filed it away. I sleep easy, K.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Why on earth is your X doing this to you still AJM? I mean that's absolutely insane how she's constantly saying one thing to you then saying or doing another. Intrusive without reason is exactly what it is!
Perhaps that's what XH thinks he's doing, following the contract to the letter, but thats not in the divorce papers. All thats in the divorce papers is he gets the girls on his days off. I guess another thing that's so insane with him is I will get these emails about details. But if I have to email him with a question, he won't answer me.
For example the issues with the cell phones. I asked him a simple question, how much is it a month? He never answered. I asked him why he didn't tell me it was such a problem to pay the bill. He never answered. But in the same breath it's ok for him to dump all sorts of scheduling and pick up times for the girls.
It makes me feel like he's trying to control just what we will and will not discuss, and it's up to his discression. I have no say so what so ever. Im to just go with what he dishes out and take it whether I want to or not.
Quite frankly I find our communication is a one way street. It's his way or the high way.
I see it as a mind game, and I refuse to play. I find him purposely ignoring my inquiries as degrading and devaluing to me as a person.
