she's a wonderful person but...

[Accuray]

Banjopicker,

I truly, truly hope that your W does engage with you on this journey. After reading the 5LL's, I did figure out both mine and W's, but no matter what I did it didn't seem to help bring us closer. There are a few things I've learned:

Women sometimes like to be pursued, but other times will find it unattractive. The difference seems to be in how much they value you -- if they think you're a prize they will like your pursuit, and if they don't they won't, which goes back to "work on you" and be the most attractive person you can be.

I say this because actively working on providing her "love language" can look like pursuit, and if you haven't set the stage properly for that to be welcomed, you're going to be spinning your wheels. What often happens when you spin your wheels is that you get stuck more deeply.

Secondly, one concept not discussed in the 5LL's, but covered in "His Needs, Her Needs" is "Lovebusters" -- there is a follow-on book just on this topic. The idea is this -- if there is something about you that is annoying or antagonizing your W, then *nothing* you do will fill her love tank because there is a blocker in place. Until you figure out and remove the blocker, you won't be able to get anywhere. Therefore, concentrating on her needs is applying your energy in the wrong place.

Figuring out the lovebuster(s) can be difficult because often she won't be aware of exactly what they are or able to articulate them for you. It's a process of discovery.

Good luck to you, you are definitely going in the right direction and seeking to work on the right things.

Accuray