A newcomer's story

[justjudy]

Well this Christmas business is harder than I expected it would be. I have been in such a good place, so prepared, so PMA. But I picked up my daughters from H place today, they had Xmas celebrations and presents etc today and the girls and I have headed to a beach house for Xmas with family and friends. But I struggled to act "as if" while at H place collecting them. They had Xmas without me in the home he has made without me. And I looked at him and just wanted to burst into tears at how much I miss his presence in my life, as my life partner and friend, source of security ans contentment. I wanted to put my arms around his neck and just breathe him in. I wanted to smile into.his eyes and have him smile back. Instead I packed up the car by myself, and drove here with girls to try to do do something totally different for this first post BD Xmas. Boxing day was the BD day so who knows what kind of mess I will be then...sigh...