Sunday eve I find myself alone, aside from the occasional kids sitting still for a minute, but alone with my tree, family channel Christmas movies, cookies in the oven.
My h is in our room having stayed up all night, eating like a 18yr old with the munchies, he just now finished sleeping all day. This is not the life I want, or the man I want to spend it with.
Last night h told me some crazy things saying I don't know what it is he's trying to do to keep this family safe from "what's to come in this world". I was in my bed as he spewed on about the drug epidemic, I left for the kitchen just as a flood of 20-something yr olds walked in, thank God they still live here.
I got caught up in my 3 S's fashion show, (everything looked the same to me, how many different ways can you wear black) but they sure are handsome. H is not, he smelled like an old man with his gray hair standing straight up, I told him he needed a bath.
This is not what I want at the prime of my life. I'm still youngish, pretty, fun, loving, loyal and smart. This is such a waist of my life, H is putting not effort to improve, he is getting stronger in his conviction to stay like this. He even stated he's afraid he may get worse. Run, run as fast as I can!
Me, I gotta get that me factor working, it's slowly coming, not fast enough. I miss going to the gym, I am going to push myself to go tom. wish me luck. Nothing like a little sweat just before a pig out.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
