Thank you Tori, he is not well. He took a turn for the worse this morning. He is disoriented and running a fever. It does not look to good at this moment. Please continue to lift him up in prayers.
I am going to be working on my 180's again and my goals. I will list theses by the end of next week. I am taking a sales training class (Sandler) and it is amazing how similar the concepts of listening, validating, goal setting etc the course is to the DB principle. Wow, I am starting to get excited about my future again. Dreams that I once had and put to the side, are starting to resurface. I must move forward with my life. I am a wonderful catch for some lucky lady, I just would like for it to be my wife.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Subguy, I've been praying for your dad. I'm glad to hear he's a little better. It'll be good for you to go on the hike to get your mind away from all the problems.
Also, good to see you're getting excited about things again. :-)
I am struggling really bad the last couple of days. I'm feeling really rejected and alone right now. I was doing so well for a couple of days. Ugh when do these feelings slow down.
I'm still working on my 180's and goals, well actually have not started them yet. Between my dad and my daughters games I have been feeling overwhelmed. I think I need some me time.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Subguy, I've been praying for your dad. I'm glad to hear he's a little better. It'll be good for you to go on the hike to get your mind away from all the problems.
Also, good to see you're getting excited about things again. :-)
Thank you Tori, prayer means alot to me. My dad is cycling in and out of psychosis. The docs say this is normal for a large part of seniors who have a major surgery like he had.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I was going to work on my 180's and my goals tonight however... When I got home my d14 was here and she wanted to go see The Hobbit. Normally I would have said no because I have to work tomorrow. Instead I said look up some times and theater's and I may go tonight. She looked up times and picked a theater close and well, we went to the movies.
My daughter is my little geek when it comes to movies like these, she's the only one to go with me, so I always take her to the movies she wants to see. I totally enjoyed myself, great movie.
My 14 year old daughter taught me a lesson tonight about GAL'ing. She has been through hell and keeps smiling and she has been GAL'ing like crazy. While watching the movie a huge grin creeps up on me and my eyes are watering up. These for a change were happy tears (something I use to never do was cry at being happy). My daughter taught me tonight to keep moving, make a path for yourself. Dust yourself off and get a frigging life.
After the movie i told her thank you for what you taught me tonight. She never asked what she taught me, I wonder if she knows. That girl and my son have been trying thru their actions to show me the way forward. I have amazing kids.
So, this means for everyone on this site, get off yer azz get a life, make yourself better, be the friend, spouse and parent you always wanted. Stop wasting your time here on Earth.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I am having a rough day and did not want to do my 180's and goals. I cried then called a friend and now I have a place to go on Christmas Eve (I will not be alone).
So... my 180's, its kind of tough as my wife has never really said much about what bothers her. Her favorite line is "I don't know, I'm just unhappy". We never really fought much, so not much there either. I am coming up with some ideas after reading books and IC. Basically these are things I feel like I need to work on as I look back into my marriage.
180's:
1. Listening: (she has said I do not listen to her). I need to start validating feelings. By this I mean I need to shut up as I tend to dominate conversations. Ask questions such as, "how did that make you feel" or "did you mean to say..."
2. Controlling behavior: I need to not try to control other peoples behavior or feelings. Controlling through guilt, anger or manipulation (tit for tat) is a road paved to he!!. People will do what they want when they want. I cannot control anyone else's thoughts or actions. The only one I can control is me.
3. Anger: When I get upset I shut down and do not discuss the situation, unless I am mad enough to fight. I need to start walking away from the situation and getting control of my emotions. Once my emotions are under control and I can emotionally detach from the situation sit down and discuss what happened. Instead of eating it and being resentful about the hurt or slight. *see listening and validating feelings*
4. Boundaries: Boundary control with Love. Allow myself the authority to protect me by controlling my boundary. First recognizing a boundary issue is key then lovingly enforcing my boundary (not controlling anothers behavior). Allow my no to be no (and being okay with saying no) and owning my yes. If I say yes to something then that is on me, even if the other person put pressure on me to say yes.
5. Attention Start paying attention to my life. I am done with just getting up going to work coming home to mow the grass etc... and not allowing my life to be seen. I have so many things that deserve my attention and they will be gone before i start giving them my attention. I need to slow down and enjoy the ride, stop being an uptight person about everything.
6. Help Ask for help when needed. I mean when it is really needed not being a nuisance. Pride is evil and I need to stamp that out, if I need help, I need to ask for it. With help I need to recognize when someone needs my help, sometimes they will not ask, this will require attention as well.
7. Apologize I do not like to apologize very much. I think because my wife would always continue to make me feel bad after the apology. I need to apologize when appropriate. It is up to the other person to accept or not, I cannot allow them to control my emotions after the apology is given. We may talk about what happened and try to get to a point where it may not happen again (boundaries and listening). A heart felt apology is good for the soul for both parties involved.
So that is a start to my 180's, well the most important things in my mind at this time. How do I accomplish this task?!?! First off I need to recognize that I do not need to be perfect. I will fail in trying to maintain a better me. It is okay as long as I continue to try to be that better person. I will print out my 180's and probably tape them to my bathroom mirror for me to see each day and read them out loud until they become habit. I will try to remember to pray about these each night.
Criticism is encourage as I truely want to grow from this situation I find myself in.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Goals to follow on another day my brain hurts from the holiday season and I need a break. Gonna watch a movie with my son and chill. Let me mind melt into the boob tube tonight.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I am in the same boat as far as not really getting any info from my w on what went wrong. My 180's are similar to yours other than the anger part. I am wondering with the apologies, do you need to also be more thankful to her. That is one thing that I have been doing.
I think a big part of it for me is that she has lost the attraction for me. It isn't one thing that I did consistently, but many little things over the years that slowly closed her heart to me.
So now every time I interact with her I try to make deposits in her emotion bank, not necessarily her love bank, as I think that would be seen as pursuit. I am ready for this to take awhile to get her heart to open back up for me.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
