The green green grass of home. (Part 2 )

[labug]

SS, I'm sorry you're in this low place right now but it seems you are beginning to pull yourself out of it.

You can't control other people, that's a hard lesson to learn but we keep getting chances. If he wants to introduce your kids to anyone, he can and will do that. It also has to do with expectations, expectations that he will act in a certain way.

And when he doesn't, you're disappointed.

When an expectation creeps in just think to yourself "Hmmm that's an expectation" and let it go. Same for controlling thoughts.

You can do this. When you want to call/message post here. And remember the outcome of the last call/message. Did it turn out the way you wanted, did you feel better after?

Have no contact with him that's not absolutely necessary. It the conversation begins to veer into ugly territory, end it.

You CAN do this.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Bug. I don't know if I can do this. It hurts so much. I'm a mess. It's Christmas Eve here and I'm lost, I'm so so lost.

[Spartan]

Hang in SS, you CAN and WILL get through this and be better on the other side.

[subguy]

SS remember you have value and worth, someone in Tennessee is on your side and loves you in a Christian way. Stay strong.

[tori2012]

SS, sending you my support, too (((((((((((())))))))))))

[theUF]

Support heading your way SS!

[littleGTO]

SS,

TOo bad we can have a "virtual holiday" here on this site. We could all have a glass of wine, toast to each other being strong, patient and growing so much personally.

Plus we can empathesize w one another like no one else!

HOlidays are definitely touch...we'll all get through them. Keep coming here & getting the support you need.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks everyone. It really does help. I think I have came and read your replied about five times already.
It's tough, really tough. This has not been a good Christmas Eve. It's going on for 9:00pm. I'm not excited to be Santa this year. I'm trying, so so hard but I just can't get there.
Both of my kids have been emotional, S8 said he wasent excited because he has had heaps of Christmas's before. I'm sure it's actually because of H.

Is it wrong of me to just want this all over and done with?

H called earlier to ask me to get the kids to take something with them tomorrow.
He made a point of mentioning that he couldn't take about Santa at that time.
Really??? He wanted to let me know he is spending Christmas Eve with OW and her children??? That's just shallow, very, very shallow.
He must be so proud! Arse face!!

I'm just not happy this year but that's okay. I will try to have a good Christmas but if I'm sad, then I'm sad.

Looks like H will have the kids on NYE as well.

[Soul.Searching]

Well it's now officially Christmas day. I can't sleep.
I just received a message from H " Merry Xmas I hope you enjoy the kids tomorrow. "
I replied "Merry Christmas to you too. This is not how I wanted it, H."

His trying to make me feel bad? Feel guilty? Well I do feel bad and guilty,.,. For my children. This is no picnic in the park for me!
Just had to vent.

[JuneReN]

Lot of similarities:

H left about three months ago. Changes relationship to single on FB two weeks after tellling kids (upset them a little, my S was sarcastic as h*ll in his reply lol!)

Was sleeping with someone else by that time I am sure, but continued to lie to me for another 6 weeks until I called him out on it.

For me, it is also the lying that is the dealbreaker more than the sex. That I understand because ML in our R had been crappy for a while.

H has also always been a liar, mostly to himself, I think, about justifications, and actions etc. I just never thought he would lie to me when I asked a direct question..and he did repeatedly.

Funnily enough, his issue with me is trust, never mind mine with him.

I also said that our private lives should remain private-he tried to friend me (after blocking my butt) on FB several times and I said "no". This was to protect me from allowing the hamsters to start running in my head about pictures, etc.
And I would obsess too much. So it is a good thing that you blocked his feed.

What really bothers me is the comment "BTW, you're not getting the kids back..." Do you guys have an agreement? Maybe it is time to see a mediator about that one.