My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

I'm not sure where I sounded angry towards my wife. i guess I am a little, but not for what she is doing now. What she is doing I feel she has no control over at this point. It is all hormones and fantasy life that is free of the stresses of our life. My W happens to be someone who has absolutely no life experience on her own. She went from mommy's house, to daddy's house, to my house. She never lived on her own or had to worry about paying bills. This will all be a reality check that she has desperately needed for a long time, and I should have had more involved in these things and also working a little so that she knew how tough life is and didn't blame me for everything negative financially.

I am a little angry at how she choose to do this, and the lack of respect she is showing me right now. She is super nice to me, but she is talking about meeting this OM, and also told me about her problems with orgasms now, all very casually. I think if i was in her shoes I would not treat her like that, but then again I have never had my mind taken over like that so I don't know how I would act.

I would like to get your input on how a woman ticks (since you are a woman). I was never good at complimenting my wife and telling her how beautiful she is often enough. I would see that she is wearing a very sexy dress for our date night, and I would say casually "I like that dress baby, it looks nice on you". It wasn't because I am a bad person, its just that at some point in our relationship her self esteem issues began to make her feel like I was just appeasing her. so she would accuse me of just saying nice things to her although she thought I felt differently. So I have always had to tone it down so it seems sincere. Now OM is telling her she is gorgeous at every conversation they have, and every message etc. That is exactly what she needs!

When she told me she was leaving me, I think the main point she kept coming back to was "You WRECKED my self esteem". Of course I don't believe i did that, and I attribute that to her own self image because she was raised to be product and make her own money (her mom taught her that because she divorced her dad and had to make it on her own). Over the years she had become a codependent, stay at home mom, stay at home and wait for husband to come home wife. So again she is blaming it on me although I asked her for her input every step of our long journey, and even helped her start her own business and had my sister in law (graphic designer) make her business cards, and my brother (successful business man) help her with developing a concept etc.. But she has always been the type to shy away from financial responsibility for fear of it becoming expected of her (she told me this before).

Anyway, whether I agree with the idea that I wrecked her self esteem or not, in HER mind I did. So i must change that. How can I start doing that now, IMMEDIATELY, without it being pursuing? Can I tell her she looks beautiful? or sexy? or hot? How strong of words do I use? I have been advised to compliment her once a day about something not looks related, and then compliment her twice a week on her looks. As a woman, how do you feel about that?