Looking for some advice here. I feel like I am stuck in LRT. I feel like I have seen some baby steps and the resentment from W seems to have diminished. Not sure where to go from here?
I feel like I could maintain this path for awhile as my patience and understanding levels are very good.
This all could be a reaction to the convo about D today. On second thought it is a reaction to that convo.
I also know I need to do a better job of GAL.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Just caught up on your thread. Seems like you are doing a great job DBing! And, there are definitely some good baby steps. Focus on these.
Interesting your W postponed the D until...? Taxes....maybe/maybe not.
It is hard to GAL when you have kids & are with them most of the time you have to GAL. I have my boys 6-7 nights a week (I'm good w this for now), so I understand that GALing can be tough.
I am choosing to GAL w my kids though. I look at opportunities that I want for my kids to experience & remember w happy thoughts.
Even though what we are going through is awful, it is your kids only childhood...and time flies soooo very quickly. I feel like if R doesn't work out w my H, then I am lucky to have this time to focus MORE on my kids.
Maybe I'll look into rock climbing, though.............
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
It is interesting about the postponement, although I can't let that affect me one way or the other.
I am also good with having my children every second that I can, I woudn't trade that time for anything. I would be lying if having them that much didn't serve two purposes. One being that that is what I want. I didn't choose to have children to not be part of their lives. The other is something I have come across in my reading since BD. That being, it is a attractive quality for a man to be that involved and passionate about his children. Not sure if it is true or not. No matter what I know they need me to be their rock.
Go for the rock climbing, it has done wonders for my self esteem and confidence. Not to mention it really gets the blood flowing.
Wishing you the best!
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
eyesopen, I brought this to your thread so as not to threadjack sm34.
Originally Posted By: eyesopen
So we stand because we believe that our marriages can be great. Our famalies can be made whole again, and we can live the fulfilling life with that special person that we thought we were going to.
I understand this, as you can see I've been at this for a while.
But I have compassion for my H, I have love for my H, and I have compassion for myself. I think if I got to the place where my predominate belief was that my S was a [b]Cheating, parasitic, adulterous...(who) do not respond to appeals or "reason".[b] (not a quote from eyesopen)I would be done. And there's no affair in my sitch which changes my viewpoint.
And maybe this was just a vent from that poster but it didn't read that way.
To carry around that level of anger on a daily basis is destructive.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Well I think I may have started a new tradition for myself. I went to 7:00 p.m. church service and then to a movie. all in all it was very nice. The candlelight service was incredible.
Sure I could have spent Christmas Eve with friends or family, but I choose to spend it by myself. I will find strength in myself, I will embrace the hurt, and I will make it through this journey a healthier, stronger man.
If we can't enjoy our own company, why would anyone else be able to.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Hello everyone, I have a couple of nuggets. First of all I think I may have gotten temp checked on Sunday. I was at a fitness place for some group program and my w called. We chatted for a bit and she said maybe you will meet some hot instructor. Rather than saying nothing or saying, yeah who knows, I said I am not quite ready for that yet.
I know it isn't that bad, but really could have added a little mystery to myself. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so open. Working on that is a goal.
Also wondering for any of you who saved your R's, was there ever a time you felt like you were never going to be anything more than friends and coparents? I know every sitch is different, it is nice to hear from people that have been through the different stages.
I also signed up on a dating website. Pretty much faked the bio and didn't add any pictures. I am not ready to date, guess I was just looking to see what is out there. It has seemed to help my attitude, based on some of the bios I read. Lots of women that don't mind single dads. Also lots of people that really know what they want out of a R. I swear half of them probably were on this forum at some point or another. Anyway, here is looking to a wonderful new year.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Also wondering for any of you who saved your R's, was there ever a time you felt like you were never going to be anything more than friends and coparents? I know every sitch is different, it is nice to hear from people that have been through the different stages.
I am thinking it every day. My W and I were on the brink of divorce once. We have not started the R talk yet. However, I will probably buy a house with her. I am afraid that we will be just coparents and coinhabitants in that house...
About the dating site - What do you think you will get out of it if you do not want to date? I tried this and all I got was feeling lonely and lying (I faked mi bio too). Totally not worth it IMO.
Okay, I removed my faked profile from the dating site, not even ready to fake it. I do think about it though. I guess I just try to picture myself with someone else, and I can see it, but I don't really want it. I think it helps with detachment.
What I have the hardest time with is the thought of sharing my children with someone else. It doesn't seem fair to the children. They deserve one mom and one dad. I understand that my w is on a path of taking that from them. Actually who knows what path she is on, for all I know she could be trying to find her way home.
I know this journey is all about myself and I read posts about these deep profound changes, and I don't feel like that is me. Sure I am trying to be a better listener, a more supportive person, and I trying to let go of control of everything but me.
Other than that when I take a look at myself I don't see anything that jumps out that needs to stop. I am not a work-a-holic, nor a gamer. I have no addictions(maybe Monster Java energy drinks), I know I am a good father. I think I know where my marriage broke down, I also know that it would take both of us to right that ship. I also know that what I am trying to do as 1/2 of the marriage is to possibly get another chance. That's it, just a chance and that is not even a sure thing.
What I am getting at is, am I missing something? Are there questions I am not asking myself? I feel like I understand the concept of DB, and when I do post on others threads, it seems to be in line with the wise ones. Just trying to dig a little deeper, thanks for any feedback.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
