LA, we went through the same talks about the house. In July, H let me paint the den in the colors that I wanted. At that time, I thought that clearly he didn't want to D if he wold let me do that. And he let me put my name on the Mustang. But, alas, look where I am 5 months later. I think while you are under the same roof, it is easy to still talk about what you would be doing if this wasn't going on.
I don't know if I would tell him that you don't want to be in an R with someone who treats you that way. I would maybe say something to the effect that you will not be spoken to that way and will return when he can treat you with respect and walk away. Your kids will figure it out. My D has revealed that she doesn't like when H yells at me and is afraid he will do it again. When a discussion starts, she puts her hands over her ears.
It sounds like you are starting to make some positive moves on focusing on you. Keep it up!
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
