The anger is "good" in that she still feels "something", and it is a root cause of mlc...all this unresolved anger at others, self, life...whatever. They don't know what to do with it, and of course they can't figure out right now where it is coming from, hopefully, as they move through the crisis, they figure it out and stop taking it out on others. My W was nasty, evil, psycho for quite some months until she exhausted it and somehow looked within and started piecing it together. So, yes, the hate and anger CAN go away, but not guaranteed, especially if they don't look within at some point.
Yes, they do pick a favorite child it seems, usually the one that challenges them least. W had actually switched favorites during her anger phase from the youngest to the middle one, who was/is lower maintenance. Protect the kids, tell them in age appropriate terms what is going on (mine did their own research afterwards) tell them over and over, "It's not YOU she is mad at, don't take it personally"!
What did I do to help? Stayed as much out of her way as possible. I only intervened when she went too far with one of the kids, or with me a few times. Yes, doormat-ish, but by choice. I picked my battles carefully...I mean there is no point in arguing with a crazy angry person, right? What rational argument will sway an irrational person? It's an exercise in futility. But W did test the crap out of my Mr. Spock alter-ego though...
I asked her, when she was spewing, over and over, "Is it something I did, or related to me, W?" As time went on, eventually she figured out that she had not been mad at me for a while, then that started her figuring out what/who it really was. It's a tough, but necessary part of the process, imo.
As the anger burned itself out, I slowly re-inserted myself, more boundaries, more calling her on her crap, politely, logically, without emotion and without being played into a argument (that was tough). Oh, most importantly, non-judgmentally.
We are getting back to "normal", sorta, still more work, but she at least now can identify what she is angry at, and if it is me, and is accurate, we work through it.
My 2.5 cents... Hope that helps some!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
