Making it work, for me

[sweetbabyred]

I found out from a good friend that H and OW got back together a day or so later. I'm not surprised, but I still didn't want to hear it.

This friend of mine had a boyfriend on and off for about 9 years who started to act like he was in MLC. At the end of last year, she finally broke it off with him, started dating someone, got pregnant, married and is expecting a baby in a few days.

I'm so happy for her but at the same time I'm jealous because she has the happy family that I want.

H did pay the car insurance and amex bill when he got back in town on Thurs. He called late last night (1am) to tell me that he'd try to get the ornaments to me before he went to his hometown for Christmas.

H said that he didn't want to get back with me because he was afraid that it wouldn't work, so he'd rather try with someone new.

I told him that I understood how he felt and wanted him to file so that I also had the chance to move on. That I wouldn't start dating until I was divorced, which should take only 61 days or so, and I wanted a chance to find someone who wanted to be with me and possibly have a family with me.

He's living paycheck to paycheck to pay for his "expensive apartment" according to him and for the furniture he bought when he got the place. He says that he'll file as soon as he gets his bonus in February and he'll also pay back the $3k that he owes me, but he'd file sooner if I'd already found someone to date.

It's frustrating because I know a lot of the things that I did wrong in our M and I know I'd do things differently if I had another chance. And right now I can only hope for a D to possibly have the chance to try with someone else.

This is what I get for having my first days off in about three weeks. Too much time on my hands to think about things. And it's finally hitting me that H and I won't be together on Christmas for the first time in 7 years.

I'm glad that he's spending it with his family, but I'm going to miss being together with all of them.