My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

GH31 Yes you are absolutely right. I am grateful for your mentoring through these turbulent times. Yes you are right, the woman I married is not the woman I see every day. She would have NEVER disrespected me the one she does now. Even just a week before the affair started, she would not have treated me this way. We always had the utmost respect for each other, and we never shouted or raised our voice at each other, or called each other names. We had a loving, mature, relationship. It just got too comfortable and I guess we both took it for granted. I need to work on the things that she told me were the reasons she is leaving me, whether I agree or not, since that is HER reality. I have learned that in the last few weeks through reading.

Now, I am REALLY struggling. I am running out of time because she is living with me because our daughter gets out of day care at noon so she picks her up and spends the afternoon with her. Jan 7th our daughter is starting at a new school full time until 5pm. At that point, W may move out or not, we havent discussed it. Yet I feel the point at which I cannot take her disrespect is coming up because more and more so the relationship is "in my face" and she is doing nothing to hide it. I need to quickly do some 180's, show a tender loving, and affectionate side through words only (I can't touch her anymore since she is not my W right now), show that I am moving on well and that she will be missing out on the relationship I am developing with my daughter, and then when the time is right I need to ask her to respect my sanity and move out.

I need help. These are the things I have outlined as issues she has with me:

1) Not sexual enough. No idea how to show that i can improve on that. But relationship with OM has proofed to be orgasm free for her! So no love chemicals.

2) Not affectionate enough. I am reading 5LL right now and trying to find ways to show her affection without persueing or sounding fake or like I am trying too hard. Pointers on this are appreciated.

3) Don't listen to her about things that might have helped our financial situation. Did a 180 on this big time the week after the bomb. We have a rental property that was being renovated and I had opted to go with a cheaper handyman and she wanted to hire a pro company for much more to get it done quickly. The handyman botch the project and we paid 3 months mortgage for no reason. If i had listened to her we would have saved money. So, when the handyman left the project half finished, I told her call whoever you want for whatever price and lets do it! I trust your judgement 100%. She said thank you for listening to me once in your life. But I need more chances of this 180 and nothing is coming up. ideas?

4) Things that are broken or need "tweaking" around our house that I don't get to in time even though she asks repeatedly. I have been trying to tackle one home improvement every time she is away for the night. She has commented on a few of them, but some seem to be unnoticed, OR she she is frustrated because I am changing and it negates one of her reasons for leaving.

5) I need to be more diligent at work. She believes one of my problems with my business not being as successful as it could be is that I don't make a list of things to do, and cross off things as I finish them. In other words i am not organized enough.

6) She thinks I don't look like a business owner because I dress the same way as my employees. Basically a polo shirt with the company logo, pair of blue jeans, and brown shoes. So i need to get some dressy shirts embroidered and start wearing them to work with nicer pants and new shoes.

7) I need to grow some balls! I think she has lost respect for me over the years because i have lost the confidence I once had. In fact, after a lot of thinking as to why I was not keeping up with the sex and affection, I have self discovered that I have my own insecurities. When my income dropped, I reached out to her for validation that she still loved me all the same and still thought I was the best person in the world. I didn't get it. i was also told not to talk about work or complain about finances to her, so I became isolated. Then sex suffered and she began to tell me you don't find me attractive anymore yadda yadda, when really i was mad that I wasn't getting the validation I needed that i was at least trying my best. In fact, she started blaming me for ALL of our troubles, because I didn't listen when she advised this, or advised that.

GH31, or any other veterans, please help me brainstorm some 180's and things to do. I am trying to read all the material recommended but its a lot and I don't have much time away from her to read these books. Trying my best. She is out tonight and instead of GALing, i am home to spend Saturday night reading! I do feel like hitting up a gentlemans club and touching some women though! Perhaps later. Havent done that since my bachelor party 5 years ago!