Stuck between a hard place and the biggest rock.

[25yearsmlc]

You didn't give her anything from son? I don't get that b/c we all seemed confident that was the one thing you could do that would be seen as loving without expectation. In my opinion Bruce, you DID have expectations (hence your complaint)

which were unreasonable. You gave her a card...I don't know what you said in it, but regardless,

The MOST you could hope for, from a woman who left you a year ago,

is perhaps something with son's name on it...so maybe when he's older...BUT

absolutely contact your SON on Christmas Day and then in some way, wish him a Happy New Years...

but do that in the daytime on the 1st, so you don't obsess about what your wife is doing on New Year's Eve and so you give her something to wonder about too....

but do NOT ignore your son on Christmas day.

I'd think about calling him before he goes to sleep Christmas Eve too, but only if he's old enough to "get" the deal with Santa Claus.

Otherwise it might look like too much. Be mindful of the time changes and ask wife IN ADVANCE WHEN is best for HER for YOU to call HIM....got that? She will tell you when he's likely to be awake and when you ought to call. That is normal.

IF she prevents that, and I mean PREVENTS, not hesitates or whines, you document any times she denies you access to him.

Otherwise, this is a cooperative endeavor with BOTH parents communicating with him on the special day.

RE Christmas EVE, yes if he is old enough to be excited in anticipation, then by all means, share in that with him. Ask her for her opinion on that. What does he know or believe about Santa, IF anything...

Otherwise he'll only really be "up" for things when he's opening presents - so you can call him and ask how he's enjoying the day and what he has played with so far....

do NOT ask "comparison" questions like "which did you like BEST?" Or "what about what I GAVE you?" etc

and when you speak with wife, it's fine to be courteous to her. But make sure the topic is Only HIM and how HE is doing or feeling and enjoying the day.

Then wish her a good happy holiday (or however her family greets this time of year) and get off the phone cheerfully and in an upbeat APPEALING "fun loving WARM man" way.


NO pursuit of HER, just interest in the SON...and coming from a man who wants to be so changed, so kind, so loving and warm, that only a fool would leave him...

No pursuing HER for now...and
that's not being mean or cold.

It's called respecting her wishes, backing off, WHILE ALSO showing interest in being a father.

Make sense?

For Valentine's Day, I suggest you help your son put a hand print in clay or a material you can use that is made permanent and then she can hang it and always have his hand size on that day.

OR trace/outline it on a card, and write "Happy Valentine's Day"...

I only say this now to give you some ideas of how YOU can be seen as a loving man without pursuing her AND without ANY expectations in return. She needs to see that from you.


And don't forget to do some things YOU enjoy while you're home, too...