Busting and Tori, As always thank you for the kind words. I think each of you, and everyone else on here knows it doesn't always seem as if we're doing all that well til we hear from someone else. So again, thank you for the validation of me growing. As far as helping others...what goes around come around right? 8)
So the phone consult with Jody went well. She seems real nice, and of course knowledgeable. Add to that personable based on a few brief self disclosures. I can see why you recommended her. The good news is that for probably half of the time (we did go over a little), she was telling me info that I already knew (based on readings and you all). Therefore, it made me feel good to be where I am. I often said, "check," in regards to things that I have done am doing. Newer ideas she shared are: *It's okay to have sex, if it presents itself (with W that is ;)) *A nice review of Erickson's psychosocial development stages, where W and myself are. *Faye and Cline's Love and Logic theory in regards to motivation for misbehavior. 1. Desire for Attn 2. Power and Control 3. Revenge 4. Feelings of inadequacy. Jody added that attn seeking is the least pathological (fortunately that's my W's #1). *As far as the dance dynamic, my fear of being a failure and W's inadequacy. Don't treat her like a project. I was "better than" her at first, and now W is "better than" me, in the sense of lack of equity within our R. *I need to "just" / genuinely [bold]acknowledge, appreciate, cheerlead [/bold].
Today / tonight is W's time to be out. She's seemingly finishing some of our Christmas shopping and then a night out with the girls. Those that I like and respect.
The kids and I have been chilling so far today. And yes by chilling, I mean I have done some cleaning. Maybe a little more than usual, but that's because we're hosting Christmas Eve at our house. The plans for the remainder of this day / night, are to deliver some candy / chocolate stuff to some of my friends that ordered from D12 and then maybe driving looking at Christmas lights / displays or something of that nature. Oh, and I intend on finishing How To Save Your Marriage W/O Talking About It. Hopefully that will help me tap into better dealing with my fears of being a failure.
A few side notes: While cleaning I was aggravated. I was aggravated because W doesn't generally help out as much as she should. The most recent time she actually CLEANED, was when she OM up to the house months ago. So that was a trigger. I was angry. So as I proceeded to clean, I just thought to myself, I'm cleaning of the traces of him from MY house. 8) It worked some. Also, more of the stupid intrusive thoughts are / have been popping in, so I'm trying to name it and let it go. I'm trying to choose what thoughts are going to be in my head. Oh, Jody did say it was okay to be a little neurotic from time to time due to my / our caretaking tendencies.
Interactions between W and I the past few days have been fair to good. She's been sick (cold / flu), so I've genuinely been kind and tried to let her rest / feel better, no intent on "winning any brownie points." Also, I hurt my shoulder lifting weights a few weeks ago, re-injured by doing too much. W offered a little sympathy, but more importantly made a comment about how I can still do the DVD as it's made me "more toned." She encouraged me to download Scramble, as that's a game she likes to play; and so we started that. Playful trash talking, mainly from her, because I stink at it so far. Lol. Before she left, she was giving me a look. Not exactly sure what it was, but it simply felt like a good (not great) connection kind of looks.
This may be a little bit of novel, but it's been a few days since I actually updated. Hope everyone is doing well. One final side note for now. Interesting article earlier today on Yahoo regarding 9 steps to being happier. A lot of the stuff we all talk about here is on the list.
