Trying really hard to be Thankful today...

[Sweetbriar]

I have been reading others posts on here and there are many whose H and W's want to be with their kids on Christmas Day and be there in the morning to open gifts. My H has not even asked or had any desire to participate in ANY holiday things with us at all. He is taking the kids tonight to his parents house for their Christmas and it will be the first time my kids have seen their grandparents (his parents) since early July. Neither want to go, but know they need to see their dad during the holidays.

I didn't think that the celebration at his parents would effect me, as I never was close with them..only my BIL and SIL and their kids..but I find myself a bit sad today over me not going. I know its the holidays and the nostalgic feelings of going there every year since we have been married to be with his family...but I just keep remembering years past. Its so hard

To my sitch, my H is no longer spewing anything negative and nasty to me, which is nice. We don't talk hardly at all (in fact, like never..) but when we do talk or text, its pleasant. I feel like this is a sign that he knows I'm going to be okay with this, and he is moving forward with his plans. I cant help but to think that these sitchs I read about where the H stays around and calls and comes by and hangs out here and there have more hope than mine. My H just left in Aug and really never has made any attempt to come back at all...he has not been in our house for more than 5 minutes at a time since he left. He comes, quickly grabs the kids and leaves and now, he is back to dropping them off and driving away...no coming in. I guess this is better for my and my emotional being, but I still want to have hope and it seems that I am slowly realizing that he is more gone than ever.

This Christmas, I know I am blessed, but there is a void. I just dont understand how he can not have feelings of what used to be and especially on Christmas morning when the kids (even as teens) would run downstairs to the excitement of opening presents, listening to Christmas music, taking pictures, and eating a nice home cooked Christmas breakfast. How can he not be here? How can he not think about that stuff and get sad that he is missing out on so much? I just dont understand...becuase Im so sad about it and Im here to see it this year! I still get to enjoy my kids and my house and our traditions...

I hope he thinks about us on Christmas morning and remembers...