Changing Directions

[mamabird]

One of the things I'm trying to work on is turning anger/resentment/hatred/fury into compassion. I realize all those things are negative and draining; they are valid feelings but I think to wallow in them is harmful.

I've noticed that I feel this way towards my neighbor (as well as my H). She obviously hasn't injured me in any way close to what my H has done, but I still feel such strong dislike toward her... so I'm consciously trying to adopt more of a "bless her heart" approach. In the south, they say that a lot, and it's kind of a nice way of dealing with an intolerable situation. In the vein of "feelings follow actions" I think it's probably healthiest for me to try to be a little more zen about all of this... so I can start to move on and feel whole again.

But yes Floyd, H is confused, that is clear. When he said, "I don't care what you do" (when I said maybe I wanted to date other people), that was a clear sign to me that he is not over it. But, that's his own path to travel. Not sure if you went back far enough in my sitch to know this, but when this all started he was screaming about a D and back in Sept he went to a L planning on starting the process, without ever talking to me or intending to spend one second doing any of the hard work. This is shameful as far as I am concerned. I am embarrassed to be married to someone like this, but I also feel sorry for him that he is so wrapped up in his own hurt, his own depression, his own story, that this is the way he feels he has to act. Bless his heart. It is sad, and I told him I thought so in our last (probably final) therapy session.