Hello all, haven't been on here in awhile, been busy, but busy = good, right?
snodderly~ I've come to realize no matter who or what the real culprit is I'm the one projected on, blamed, spewed at, treated like the enemy, etc. I would have thought after this amount of time H would see I'm not the enemy, but he always has been a stubborn one.
Yeah, I can understand why he was upset, but honestly, I don't care, because I'm really tired of being lied to, and quite clearly anytime his mouth is moving he is lying. The thing is, I knew before he was going to that party, you don't spend 12 years with someone and not know when they are lying sometimes. It's just annoying because there is no reason to lie to me. I have been getting better at pulling out the tiny bit of truth buried among the line of BS.
He's clearly still majorly confused, I mean look at Sunday, we went from H totally freaking out, to being the H I know is still in there, to H keeping me at arms length.... The irony here is he doesn't want to be controlled (which I have NEVER done) yet his family continues to control him..... hmmmm..... puppet master needs knocked off her pedestal..... meanwhile his father would like a relationship with his children and is failing health wise but nope..... puppet master says dance and they ALL listen, it really baffles me.... And if I think about it enough makes me furious, so I've stopped thinking about it, it is what it is. I just keep repeating my mantra,God has a plan.
Don't worry, I won't push counseling, no need to, he knows it's an option and he knows my opinion on the matter, no sense beating a dead horse.
I'm just wondering how long this sex ban will last.... they don't usually make it past a week or two.... time will tell I suppose.
You know what else snodderly, after Sunday's conversations, I am really doing even better with the detachment. Perhaps because it just proved to me that no matter what act he's putting on for other people, that's all it is, an act. He's a very confused person, and I know the good man is still in there somewhere, trying to come out, but continually gets pushed back down by fear and selfishness.
For right now I'm just keeping myself busy, keeping my distance, being kind, if he wants to truly work on things he will come to me..... I just get scared because I know he still has a lot of things to work through internally before he can come back to our M.
Yeah it all makes me sad to think about and I miss him, we were good friends, made a great team, and yes loneliness takes it's toll, but I'm not going to focus on that, I'm going to push past it. I'm just going to continue to be me, live my life, and pray, pray, pray. Who knows what the future holds, I'm not going to waste too much of the present trying to figure it out.
T~ Yeah, work for him svcks, his boss is crazy, she freaks out randomly, perhaps she is mentally ill, IDK, but that has been going on for years, and I guess some things never change.
Puppet master has always been controlling, yet for some reason in his mind it's ok that she's controlling and always gets her way.... Funny, when he said I need to stand up to her it was on the tip of my tongue to say perhaps he should try this, but I didn't, I know that would have gone poorly since "he's gotten closer with his mom" *rolling eyes* makes me want to vomit! Sorry.... sorry.... it's just she's always been jealous of me and rude to me and I have tired to have a good relationship with her. I think she doesn't like that she can't control me...
I remember her trying to control our wedding, that didn't happen, wasn't her day, so not her say. She also tried to make him late that day.... and I'll never forget the only wedding picture she purchased was one of just him!! Yeah... and her excuse, is priceless, kind of hilarious now, crazy woman.... she said it wasn't her fault the photographer didn't take any pictures of just me!!! LOL Um, hello, he didn't marry himself, nor did I, so wouldn't you get a pic of us together... yeah, that's the kind of crazy I'm dealing with.
AJ~ Thank you for your input! I'm definitely on board with the keeping my distance!!! I'm tired of being a punching bag! Oh and you hit the nail on the head, H needs to grow up and stand up to his family, for sure.
My counselor thinks even though he got mad this is still progress. IDK. I'm not about putting labels on it right now. Time will tell, but I just kind of feel like I am being set up for failure because I know he's not really in a place where he could work on us because he still needs to work on him, but I can't tell him that. He thinks he's great. In that conversation Sunday evening he made a comment about he doesn't want things to go back to the way they were, which I agreed, but the more I thought about it the more annoyed I got, if anyone should be apprehensive about things going back to the way they were it should be me, not him, he really has had it damn good..... so I'm not sure to what he was referring, but it doesn't really matter right now anyway. Thanks again for your input!
mirage~ Wow, thank you for sharing that with me. It's interesting how so many other people can see our worth but not our MLC spouse... As much as it's no picnic to be the LBS, I would never in a million years want to be the one in MLC.
updates~ Like I said before I've been really busy this week! Even so, H has been making a small effort to interact with me more. Tuesday morning he asked me if I would be home that evening, he thought we could get a pizza. I told him I would be working out after work and then stopping quick at the discount grocery store to look for something for a friend, but I could pick it up on my way home. He said that would work and told me to call him when I got to the store.
That evening I called him when I got to the store, he said he'd order the pizza and call me when he ordered it so I would know when it was ready. (wow 2 phone calls, strange) lol
When I got home with the pizza we sat in the living room to eat and H asked me if I did anything interesting at work. I told him not really and a bit about my day. I asked did you? He says, "I dressed up like Elvis and did a dance." I cracked up laughing and said, "what?...Why?"
He proceeded to tell me a female co-worker (the one he had mentioned inappropriately in an e-mail a few months ago) came over with the costume and asked for a favor for a sales video. I was a good girl and didn't say a blessed thing about her because he already knew I didn't like her from before. I just asked, "Did it come with a wig?" Surprisingly, yes. Which made me laugh more. I asked if he was going to show off his Elvis moves for me, he said no. I said I would love to see that video when it's done! He went on to tell me he got all of his other co-workers to do it too.
Then he got his phone out and showed me a picture of him wearing an elf hat, a male co-worker on either side wearing Santa hats, and 2 female co-workers standing in front, the one I knew, the other was new. He said they took the pic for the male co-worker(the one who's a bad influence) because he was out of town for work. I cracked up laughing because the look on his face was like, take the damn picture now I can't believe I'm wearing an elf hat! I told him that too, he kind of laughed.
I haven't really been around him much since. He did let me know he would be home late Thursday night due to having dinner with his mother.... yea.... and Friday night due to shopping, so that was nice of him to tell me.
Last night when he got home I did let him know that I may have to leave in the middle of the night and I would have my phone turned up because my one friend is going to have her baby any day and I am one of the people she has on stand by to stay with her other two children while she is giving birth. He thanked me for telling him and said he hopes everything works out for her.
Wednesday evening my dear friend and I went to visit another friend who has been in the hospital for a month and will be there for another because she is pregnant and the baby was trying to come waaay early. It was nice to visit with her and her husband. H knew we were going to see her and asked the next day how she is doing. So I gave him the highlights and thanked him for asking.
In other news, I'm so excited I have off work until Jan 2! Yea, one perk to my job! I'm looking forward to relaxing some!!!! Of course after I finish my Christmas shopping today! LOL
Also, thank you all for taking time to give me your input, I really do appreciate it!!!
