The unfortunate thing about ultimatums is that they *do* come back because they feel pressured or coerced and not because they chose to of free will and that puts your marriage in a very strained place for quite a while.

Based on how H is acting I would employ LRT and stop reaching out to him entirely. Go completely dark and let him initiate contact.

You need to let him drive both the frequency of contact and level of emotional connection for what will come to feel like forever. No ILY's unless he says it first. You can mirror but don't escalate, and I might back off on the validation because he probably doesn't believe that you do know how he feels.

FWIW he is probably doing you a favor right now by maintaining some distance as grieving an affair makes them extremely mean and nasty.

Work on being as attractive as you can be and inject some mystery into your thoughts feelings and whereabouts. You are spelling everything out for him right now, make him wonder.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015