it seems all my friends (5) with sons have problems with them similar to your own. for some reason- the girls manage to become independent- run their own lives and want to do so. the sons seem to not want to leave- and are not particularly nice to boot.
i wonder to myself if it's our society and the changed role of men- from the "dads" and strong guys that took care of us all in our families - to whatever the heck they are now. i can't begin to guess how they see their "role" in life.
i see that i'm 61 and my overwhelming characteristic is that i'm always thinking i need to "take care" of someone. not usually me- someone else. it's my pleasure usually- i can't winkle out all the ins and outs. i grew up in a big fam & helped "take care" of younger kids. it's who i am i guess - part of a gang. (it's not a great m.o. at this point in my life- but i see it & how it came to be i think)
with men- with my h too - i can't figure what the heck they want to be or think they are? he worked long and hard- is nuts in retirement- his dad & mom ditched each other- he got stuck with dad and i see things about him that he describes as his dad's "flaws" that he hated. he select4ed a woman like me- allllll about family & stability. yet- now he's freaked out and unable to commit. (after 35 yrs of enjoying that stability and HOME) wtf??
seems young people don't have the "etched in stone" values we did when we were young- i like to blame tv and movies a whole lot- i do think they send a free and loose message out to everyone. traditional families and values are taking a beating. it sounds cheesy- but our society's comic outlook on the family, fidelity, etc isn't helping us all one bit. i think it's damaging the fabric of our country's youth.
i don't think it's "learned" tho , necessarily. kids in same families- some spoiled & rich - some humble - it's the same deal. some come away all "fancy & self-involved" - some come away all giving and caring. it's the individual child/person i think. if your crime is caring too much or giving too much- that doesn't necessarily convey the right to be a jerk - imho
somehow - i think the young men of our land are (struggling?) with their identity more than women. maybe because they don't have to hunt and kill each other- all that unexpressed hositility and man-ness??? i don't know- it's sure somehting.
ug - me man - me want kill - me want action - me want excitement- me want me want me want...
my nephew is 28 - pretty much does nothing except nag his mother- she doesn't want to kick him out on street because she has no faith in him making a go of life- reckons he'll end up alcoholic or dead on the street(??) sad no faith in him- tho he shows nothing to make her have it. blames everyone else in universe for his "failure" -
she is working like mad allll the time- he's got a good example in his face daily. she does feed him and pay the bills, and give him a home. what the heck is the right or wrong of it? i think it's his character - taker - self-involved. he certainly watches her work and see how it's done...
i can't see how it comes from her- other than she cares about him and i don't know-
i'm thinking it may not be all you doing it - contrary to what you say you think people think. good luck with it- just throwing in my two cents. for what it's worth - if anything.
