I forgot to tell that at visitation H was all joking around walked over and was standing by me. That sort of thing. Smiling at me. Sometimes it does still make me angry. I never act on that anger I never say anything but it's a feeling of you callous jerk. I still feel discounted. Unacknowledged. Part of my issue I think is the careless way he has treated me and the fact that he has not acknowledged how hurtful his actions are. Regardless of how he feels about them. It is almost like he has denied even to himself that I have the feelings I do. They must not be real and I must be exaggerating and making up how I feel.
It infuriates me to be honest. Really angers me. I feel unimportant and like I am being patronized and lied to.
Nothing I can do about. I am working hard to just let go and realize that despite the fact that I feel all this he is not mature enough to even acknowledge or admit any of it. I guess in a sense more that it isn't intentional he's just clueless.
That might sound mean but really I think its accurate. Just selfish, self absorbed, self involved. Nothing to do with me. All about him. Sigh.
Again, nothing I can do. Just distance myself and deal with my own feelings. I wanted to put them down though so I can reflect on this later. Now I am off.
