Thanks Rick and I hear what you're saying. I really am feeling good about where I'm at 90% of the time. I can honestly say almost every day I look in the mirror I'm a little happier at who is looking back at me. When I think about the past several years there's no way I would have said that before BD. I may have acted like it to others but I don't think deep down I really liked myself or who I had become. My mom visited earlier today and even commented that she's shocked how upbeat I seem and how much more content I've been lately.
I've been trying to stop worrying about what she's doing (which is harder then I think it should be) but I really hate seeing my kids disappointed and my "crazy cycle thoughts" took over for a little bit. I'm not even sure it would have bothered me that much tonight if it wouldn't have been for them wondering where she was and why she wasn't home. I do believe she got caught in a case tonight but my thoughts earlier were that maybe she went out after work with friends and didn't have the decency to even call or text to let the kids know. I need to really continue to work on that because absolutely no value comes from those types of thoughts. I do feel bad that I use this thread sometimes as a venting thread so you guys really see the dirt in my head in real time but so far it has stopped me from doing anything dumb in real life. I guess that's what really counts.
W got home just after I posted earlier and we had a nice talk and hung out for about an hour. She looked exhausted again but I was able to make her laugh a few times and she told me a lot about her day. I do see some progress being made in the becoming friends again department.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
