Changing Directions

[Breakdown]

Love the GAL and love the books. This is DB.

But how about something not soup

[RegretfulLA]

Lemon cheesecake doesn't count?? Stuffed shells too per my son's request.

Floydman: holy s. I think you may be right about that. I think I have to ask my IC about it... I do have a younger sister.

[RegretfulLA]

Oh, and lunch with my girlfriends was great. Margaritas and Mexican, and a lot of serious love.

[FloydMan]

Not where I was going with that but family is soooo important. Talk to your IC about your dream. Establish relationship with your family and younger sister. Protect her.
For a women to dream about her sister means the dreamer's unconscious shadow. For a women to dream of her older sister means feelings of perseuction.

You are a good person. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Have faith in yourself.

[RegretfulLA]

Thanks Floyd, no worries on the family front. We are tight. My father tries to give me advice every day (too much advice actually).

I appreciate the props and I am feeling stronger about moving down my new path! But one thing you forgot: forgive yourself. That one is super important for me.

[FloydMan]

You are right. I am glad for you then. I don't think my W and I have forgiven each other let alone ourselves.

[JuneReN]

The older sister in the dream is you.

Haha!! Was going to say the exact same thing!

Also I think that with all the cooking going on, ummm we need an invite .

[RegretfulLA]

All of you are invited! Come to LA and we'll have a party!

So we went to this holiday party at good friends' last night. H made sure to steer clear of me. It was kind of hurtful, honestly. I kept thinking I'd be having a better time if he weren't there, but I didn't let that stop me. I found myself telling my friends I was ready to move forward. So I've said it now and other people know. One of my friends gave me a hug and said, "I'm sorry." I told her not to say "I'm sorry," but to say "Congratulations." Because I don't feel sad, I feel hopeful.

Funnily enough, H is starting to complain about my GAL. I find that kind of hilarious. I went to lunch yesterday for one of my closest friend's birthdays and the day before that I took S9 to therapy and lunch afterwards. I told him next week on Weds I had IC and was going to lunch afterwards. He said I was being presumptuous about all these plans. I am going to check with him first for any other plans, but otherwise ignore it.

[FloydMan]

It sounds like your H is not ready to move on. He steered clear to give you space and avoid as much awkwardness as he could. He is on eggshells...you and I both know what that means and how hard that is. He is interested in your GAL and that c omes out as cpmplaints. Your 180 may be paying off yet you are wanting now to go. He does not know how to treat you. I am in the same boat.
Your food does sound so good. If only I could get to LA. WE are in the Toronto area.

[RegretfulLA]

One of the things I'm trying to work on is turning anger/resentment/hatred/fury into compassion. I realize all those things are negative and draining; they are valid feelings but I think to wallow in them is harmful.

I've noticed that I feel this way towards my neighbor (as well as my H). She obviously hasn't injured me in any way close to what my H has done, but I still feel such strong dislike toward her... so I'm consciously trying to adopt more of a "bless her heart" approach. In the south, they say that a lot, and it's kind of a nice way of dealing with an intolerable situation. In the vein of "feelings follow actions" I think it's probably healthiest for me to try to be a little more zen about all of this... so I can start to move on and feel whole again.

But yes Floyd, H is confused, that is clear. When he said, "I don't care what you do" (when I said maybe I wanted to date other people), that was a clear sign to me that he is not over it. But, that's his own path to travel. Not sure if you went back far enough in my sitch to know this, but when this all started he was screaming about a D and back in Sept he went to a L planning on starting the process, without ever talking to me or intending to spend one second doing any of the hard work. This is shameful as far as I am concerned. I am embarrassed to be married to someone like this, but I also feel sorry for him that he is so wrapped up in his own hurt, his own depression, his own story, that this is the way he feels he has to act. Bless his heart. It is sad, and I told him I thought so in our last (probably final) therapy session.