Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[someguy1233]

I just pulled the cell logs... something I hadn't done in a few days.

Friday evening W stepped outside for a smoke. I called her because S threw up and I needed help. She was talking with suspected OM for 15 minutes. My call showed up as Call Waiting, interrupting their conversation.

Makes me sick... and explains the distance I was feeling on Friday.

[JuneReN]

Oh boy, never ask a question or snoop on a phone when you don't really want to know the answer lol!

I think you should explain to W the next time she says you aren't trying that you would like to go see an MC to figure out how you can continue your marriage. Then in a more neutral space with MC a couple of sessions in you could give your requirement for transparency or how the thought of a POM makes you feel and what you need.

My thoughts are that it won't go so well if you do it on your own. I think there will be a lot of denial, recrimination and you don't trust me etc. at least with someone to mediate it can stay away from accusatory, as many of these convos turn out

[someguy1233]

The last few days have been interesting. Wife's actions towards me have increased:

*She's made comments like, "Don't forget your lunch! I made your lunch for you with love!"
*She's made physical contact often when playing with S. The contact lingers.
*Every night she's said "goodnight, <nickname>. I love you." She's given kisses.
*She held onto my leg one night while we were watching TV... she actually seemed to stroke it.
*She's questioned more than once, "Do you love me?" or "Do you still like me?"
*She's greeted me when I come home.
*She wears her ring and cleaned it. She commented on how it sparkles.
*She sent text messages with kissy faces and XOXOs
*She refers to herself as "my wife" frequently.
*Her phone is rarely upside down.
*The last two times I was on the computer she left her email logged in.

A couple nights ago she fell asleep snuggled close. I decided to test her reaction and lightly stroked her neck/back. She commented that it felt nice!

We went to a play. She leaned on my shoulder. She held my hand and stroked my fingers.

A couple nights ago she said, "You know what our marriage needs? A vacation." We're planning a trip for mid-January. She said we can call it an "anniversary celebration."

****

Today she's been crabby since the moment I got up. We fought this morning... just a general fight about nonsense. I think we both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I tried to bring her down and talk about the problem. She told me there's nothing to talk about and it's a normal fight. She said, "Just go to work. Get out of here. You're not helping." I told her, "It's not going to be like this. I'm not going to stand here and fight." She said, "right! Just go!"

Aside from this one interaction, things seem to be going well... I haven't checked the cell logs again for evidence of OM. Mostly because I don't plan to do anything yet if I confirm it. I'm going to ride out this wave and see how long it lasts. If we're good for a while (1 month?) I may bring it up.

I have no GAL activities planned yet due to the holidays. But I do have some time off work, so I'll come up with something!

[Michele Weiner-Davis]

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