DBing to save myself

[LisaLost]

I posted a new thread in Newcomers tday but I will journal here now nded up changing my cell number which he got from our 12 y/o son. I have been reading and researching like a mad woman on why I am still allowing him to hurt me emotionally.

if you dare to read be prepared its long but maybe by me journaling here I can see my mistakes and also get feedback.

He moved into an extended stay bc he HAD to get out of her apt. Apparently our 12 y/o son was causing issues with her while he was staying with his dad for a few weeks. She didnt want to have to take him to school and pick him up everyday. She didn want to "babysit" him in the afternoons. She keeps her and her part time sons food separate and according to my H he had no money to feed our son anything other than what he got at school or peanut butter sandwiches. So while she was feeding her kids dinner on the nights she had them she didnt feed my son bc his dad who is her "soul mate" didnt leave food for him. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??????? Please let me include that she is on food stamps. Please understand I am NOT in no way knocking anyone on assistance at all. But she is now 26 has 2 sons ages 5 and 3. Her school aged son goes to public school and the 3 yo goes to a state funded day care. Not a VPK program but a daycare while she sits at home all day. She is on section 8 housing assistance. All of this while she has a license to practice hairdressing but chooses to cut only family anf friends hair and told my H that sitting at a salon waiting on walk-ins is a waste of her time. Ummm How else can she build a clientel? she waitresses on Sat and Sun nights every other weekend and thats it! No full time work. Unbelieveable to me. Oh yeah and she has a 2011 car worth 35,000 that is in her and her daddys name. who makes the payments ? I have no idea? Yep, I am a little furious at this bc my H has bereated me every time he left and this time especially hard at me for not being a go getter like her and she has 2 jobs while raising her 2 kids and all I have managed is working part time here and there while getting two degrees and singlehandly raising 6 kds bc he was never here. He worked at least 60 hours more like 70-80 per week.

Yeppers I am being very bitter right now and I dont like it. I am not trying to be a martyr and I know he is blinded right now but dang come on H knows what I have been through with him these last 14 plus years. yes, rewriting history.

I am sorry for the flood of posts fromme but I have to get this out

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