Not sure I repeated history. Back then we were young we didn't have the "not being awake" or "living life" issues. I'm sure I'm missing something..
I have no intent at all, I am posting what I see and using my knowledge that I have learned here and in life.
As far as history, my point is more from my POV, but something I learned along the way. We tend to do things based upon our FOO(Family of Origin) We dont know that we are doing certain things, it is more subconscious. For instance, men tend to pick women based on the best traits of their mother and the opposite of their mothers worst traits. Women do it with their fathers the same way. You dont even know you are doing it.
My grandfather was divorced and lived a long happy second marriage. My father seems to have done the same thing, although my mother divorced him late in life. Now I have followed in their footsteps. IS this all a coincindence?
What parts can we CONTROL and what is beyond our CONTROL?
Yikes. I hope none of it is beyond our control. That said, it's only within our control if we are aware of it.
What did I do back in college? I thought that we could continue a relationship even though I was in one country and she was in another. If I could go back I would take a trip to go see her, have an awesome time, make love, then have a conversation regarding the practicality of having a long distance relationship as we began college. I would much rather have ended it that way. Would I have had the strength to do that? I don't know. This time around I would go back about 3 years ago and start engaging more in life, sort of like I am doing now. Live and learn. This girl has been my teacher. I am no where near as confident with my life right now as I need to be. When I wake up in the morning I am not comfortable, don't feel safe. But thus far I have kept going and kept the changes up. I no longer consider myself working through or figuring out the changes I have taken on thus far. This is me now, I am living these changes. Am I 100% sure they are all the right changes? No, but I'm confident enough. And I am taking advantage of my friends, family, and this board to use as a sounding board. I also think we can control much, much more than we assume. Our actions influence the actions of others is enormous ways. We can't overlook that.
4311, I just want to mention that Cadet asked you a couple times if you read the reconnect thread and also now about the 180 thread. I didn't see you respond that you had.
If you have, what is your take on pursuit / distance?
Yes, I read the 180 thread today. I can't say that I got much from it. The first post pretty much said it all. I found that many posts after that were going contrary to what the 180 is about - at least how I perceive it. The 180 is for me, not her, or even us. Many posts there spoke of how the partner didn't notice or noticed but doubted. I understand their motives, believe me, I do, but I'm beginning to shift a little. To expand - I have shared a lot of my new goals and the changes is how I am living my life. I would guess that is what doing a 180 is all about. Now, my shift, is that my motive is slowly changing from doing it for the potential us to doing it for me. Now,to be clear, I am not becoming some powerful new me that no longer loves her, no longer wants to be with her, no longer wants to hope or have faith that it can't happen again. I am just starting to admit to myself that I have no idea how that would happen. I have no idea what to do, if there is anything I can do, to move that process along and know that I really shouldn't do it that way anyway. I came across a post that talked about not acting towards an end goal. I think the general idea goes along with the running a marathon analogy - if your goal is getting across the finish line that is 20 miles away you'll never make it, just aim to make it to the next mile marker... I didn't loose her because I didn't pay enough attention to her, I lost her because pay enough attention to me. Thus the 180. Am I getting anywhere with this?
