The green green grass of home. (Part 2 )

[Soul.Searching]

-What are your goals(Happiness, reconciliation, etc)?

I would like to reconcile, however I can't keep fighting for him. I have to fight for me now.
Obviously happiness is a goal. I think it's been a long time since I have truly been happy.
I need to let him go. To accept things as they are.
To find a job I am happy with.
Work out my issues and deal with them.
Catch up financially.
Finish the odd bits left to sort through in the house.


-What are you willing to do to get there?

whatever it takes. I need to break them down in to manageable goals. I just don't know how.

-What have you done thus far?
I have done 180s. So far they are
My tone of voice. ie not sounding so angry, agitated, annoyed etc
Letting things go. ie not questioning H. Though I have backslided.
Being more patient.
Controlling my anger
Not trying to control the situation
Realizing that is okay to feel uncomfortable emotions
Giving my emotions time to settle down before making a decision.
I've talked to someone about doing a course to further my career, now I need to find out enrollment dates.


You mentioned in your last post that you abandonment and inadequacy issues.

What are you doing to address these issues within yourself?

Just trying to think it through. I don't even know how the inadequacy issues or self confidence issues even came in to play. They have been there as long as I can remember. I was raised by my Mum and she is a great Mother, so I'm not sure where they come from. I'm really at a loss as to how to work through this.
I've used my free IC sessions and can't pay for any right now.

Be honest with yourself and then take action to make things happen in your life. It may not bring your H back, however in the future, you (should) want to look back at this time knowing that you did everything within your power. At the very least, you will find yourself in a healthier place.

You told subguy that you should write down your 180s and goals exactly one week ago.
No I haven't. I guess I hate it when I "fail" a written goal. Something else to overcome I guess.

I really do need to let H go. I've not been well at all lately, it's taking a toll on me and its not healthy. I need to remove him from Facebook and let him be.