I hear you 100%, but I don't care if people think I am a fool, they already do for me saying I love him..lol, and funnily enough, it is mutual friends that say the same as yours, that H does not have head on right.
I have a lack of trust as well, and so does he, so it is cautious.
Guess I was too "friendly" by text and email yesterday, because today he has backed right away. Chalk that one in the not so great response pile.
I will continue in this tone, not pushing, not asking until he sees that there is no other motive than me just being authentic. I talk this way to my friends, so he gets the same treatment
Possibly the comment of "whether we are together or are taking separate paths, I want to be in exactly the same place moving forward" frustrated him.
Today, I came to the realization that he understands my mindset as much as I understand his, which is not at all lol!
Not a great day today, Christmas shopping seems to do that to me, I start thinking and hoping, but kept repeating words of affirmation (out loud in car, so no one would commit me in Walmart) and I will be good.
Was meeting for coffee tomorrow before Ds concert, but I canceled. I gave impending storm as reason, which is partially true, but also have no desire to see H in the brightly lit coffee shop, which is in/close to our home town lol!
Ruby, hang in there. Christmas brings a lot of emotions/memories. Respect your feelings...
Since you know what didn't work, you can adjust your future behavior.
Coffee sounds laid back and informal enough that it might be good for the R. My coach would say yes to those types of meetings. Whenever you're ready, give it a try.
Don't know if I have handled this right or not. Since talking on MOnday on phone and I said he can't be my person anymore. He has taken to not replying immediately to any texts or emails and even not replying to some at all. One text I sent was on banking, one I sent taking him up on offer to pick something up for me and third was about son.
I think when we had our convo and I said he couldn't be my person because he left, he was hurt. I have continued with a friendly tone (if possible in texts lol and email), but his are very flat. It feels as if there is a punishment here as in "You said no personal stuff (I said no private life stuff) so you get what you asked".
Will see him tonight, tomorrow briefly, Sunday and Christmas Day, so maybe I will be able to gauge better.
I am just going to continue with my texts as is, short, friendly and perhaps through in a tidbit about nothing too personal when I speak of kids, schedule etc. (Like I let him know I passed an exam. No reply...nothing)
How come my H detaches better than I do lol?
I don't think I will bite on the whole delayed/no response thing. I had asked him yesterday if he got text in morning and he said yes. I said "Oh, was out of country and thought you may had replied and carrier dropped it" (which happens sometimes) So I know now he is just not replying right away
I don't know if I can play the not answering texts game he is playing...advice? Let it go? Call instead? Legit. texts about kids finances etc. Maybe I will wait to put a couple together at end of day. His replies are very stilted.
Ruby, you're playing the same game I played for a long time. You can read back in my thread, I was often complaining about H not replying to emails.
My emails were all son-related, nice, chatty. I was being "the friend" but wanting more, he was being "the friend" and wanting less. He would answer when he was moved to, sometimes immediately and sometimes if he wasn't moved to, not at all.When he did answer it was to-the-point, minimum chat. I was on his roller-coaster, voluntarily. And then occasionally he would be chatty and it would turn up the speed on the coaster!
Your H answering is really his prerogative.
We don't like it because it doesn't fit with our expectations.
And I've often said my H is the model DBer and has never read the book!
You're allowing his actions to control your emotions.
Whose actions to you have control of?
What can you do to keep off the roller coaster?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ruby, you're playing the same game I played for a long time. You can read back in my thread, I was often complaining about H not replying to emails.
My emails were all son-related, nice, chatty. I was being "the friend" but wanting more, he was being "the friend" and wanting less. He would answer when he was moved to, sometimes immediately and sometimes if he wasn't moved to, not at all.When he did answer it was to-the-point, minimum chat. I was on his roller-coaster, voluntarily.
And then occasionally he would be chatty and it would turn up the speed on the coaster!
Your H answering is really his prerogative.
We don't like it because it doesn't fit with our expectations.
And I've often said my H is the model DBer and has never read the book!
You're allowing his actions to control your emotions.
Whose actions to you have control of?
What can you do to keep off the roller coaster?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You are right. So I emailed and asked. You have to remember bad communication and little ignoring games like these were the basis of our marriage. I basically said remember when I didn't reply to your texts because I was at work and you asked if I was mad? Well I am asking the same thing.
See , Bug, H lives on the phone, and he has always replied reasonably to a text and I try to text during the day, not at night when he may be out with gf etc.
So when he started not replying, I know it is a little game. Do I have an expectation ? Yes. And I know I shouldn't..
I also wanted to clear up the friends/ friendly thing since all his emails and texts became very stilted and robotic. Lol! I said I am glad to hear you share your work hobbies etc, I just don't feel I have any business asking where, or with who etc.
His reply was a little warmer lol! So, for me communication has to be spelled out at this point because we have never done it before. And you're right. My h is the perfect db er. Lol!
