Have you read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. You've said you want to become more spiritual and I don't know what the means to you but if you want to become more awake, Pema is a good guide.
She writes a bit in WTFA about how addictions come from our inability to sit with discomfort, we must have something to make us feel better. Be it drugs, food, men, sex we need someTHING to fill that hole but that good feeling only lasts for a short period of time, so we need another hit and another.
So then we're addicted and unhappy.
The only answer to that cycle is finding the happiness within ourselves.
This was the Pema quote today: ‎"To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path."
You might also read Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance.
Oooohhhh....relaxing in the midst of chaos. Somedays I can and others are like this awake for over24 hours and hamsters are merrily spinning away. I would like to relax everyday!
